Congratulations to my lovely sister Julia, who became engaged with the handsome Matthewon Tuesday night! Hooray for everything!
Congratuations to the two young lovebirds! I hold aloft an ivory goblet, brimming with rusty ale! Let us drink deep from the salad bowl of life’s essence! Let the bones of my enemies be snapped in half in celebration of this momentous day! May their soft, gray brain tissue be chopped up and distributed lightly on a crunchy Mediterranean salad, like feta cheese from the bowels of perdition! Let us tear lions asunder!
Happy birthday, you guys.