I brought a cupcake to work with me to have as a snack today.
I was thinking of eating it around 10:15 or so. What do you think? Should I do it? What would you give me if I ate it?
Really? Nothing? Why not?!
Fine. You suck.
I think I’ll eat it anyway. I’ll eat it for free, as the old saying goes.
Whatever. Maybe that isn’t an actual saying. It probably should be though. It’s catchy and oft-applicable.
I tried to coin an idiom a few years ago – “That’s pig rape for you!”. It never really caught on like I hoped it would. I thought of it after I saw a pig getting date raped one time. It was awful listening to that. People didn’t seem to grasp the significance of the phrase though. They generally seemed to be offended by it and our conversations ground to an awkward halt.
Anyway, back to my point. I’ve got a cupcake in my desk drawer waiting for 10:15 to roll around. When the bell tolls I’m going to suck that fluffy bastard down. I’m going to punish it with my teeth, dissolve its essence in my stomach acids, and make it regret it was ever baked.
And that, my friends, is pig rape for you!