A Cupcake and an Alienating Stream of Consciousness

I brought a cupcake to work with me to have as a snack today.

I was thinking of eating it around 10:15 or so. What do you think? Should I do it? What would you give me if I ate it?

Really? Nothing? Why not?!

Fine. You suck.

I think I’ll eat it anyway. I’ll eat it for free, as the old saying goes.

Whatever. Maybe that isn’t an actual saying. It probably should be though. It’s catchy and oft-applicable.

I tried to coin an idiom a few years ago – “That’s pig rape for you!”. It never really caught on like I hoped it would. I thought of it after I saw a pig getting date raped one time. It was awful listening to that. People didn’t seem to grasp the significance of the phrase though. They generally seemed to be offended by it and our conversations ground to an awkward halt.

Anyway, back to my point. I’ve got a cupcake in my desk drawer waiting for 10:15 to roll around. When the bell tolls I’m going to suck that fluffy bastard down. I’m going to punish it with my teeth, dissolve its essence in my stomach acids, and make it regret it was ever baked.

And that, my friends, is pig rape for you!

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8 Responses to A Cupcake and an Alienating Stream of Consciousness

  1. Sarah says:

    Pig rape makes me think of politicians. I don’t know why.

  2. Adam says:

    It makes me think of Plutocrats.

  3. peter says:

    Plutocrat rape has some real comic potential.

  4. tomhipps says:

    yay! you’re weird today. i love it when you’re weird!!

  5. Thom says:

    Yeah…I don’t think it will catch on this time around either, Peter. Sorry.

  6. Kevin S. says:

    I challenge Mark to use it in a sermon.

  7. tomhipps says:

    “i’ll eat it for free” may not be a saying, but there was one that went, “i’ll eat my hat”. you could blend them into one witty zinger: “i’ll eat my hat for free!”
    another possibility: “well, i never!” and “goodnight irene!” could be blended into “well, i never said goodnight irene!”
    and for crying out loud, don’t leave us in suspense…

  8. goonclamper says:

    how about softening your phrase to add mainstream, trademark-able appeal?

    “that’s pig rape for you, cupcake!”

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