Completely Normal Communication

I have not received any emails yet today. Nobody has called me.

I am lonely!

Please contact me and tell me about yourself. I am looking for a kind, open friendship.

I enjoy laughter!

I am specifically looking to make friends with somebody named Jeffrey. If your name is Jeffrey, please find me and make friends with me. I will be waiting at the Burger King by the freeway. You will be able to identify me by the Burger King crown I will be wearing, and the blood draining from my right nostril.

Take me to the beach!

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10 Responses to Completely Normal Communication

  1. Jeffrey J. Jeffreys says:

    Man, I came by that Burger King not 15 minutes ago, and I didn’t see nobody with a BK crown on their head.

    Now…there was a guy over by the dumpster…he had a Hefty bag for a cape and he had pieces of a BK crown glued to his forehead and thighs. That wasn’t you, was it?

  2. Gordy says:

    I’m sending over a busload of Jeffries from the school of intermediate flatulance to join you. They are of the gentle sort, yet pungent, and sometimes misunderstood. Embrace them, and they in turn will show you how to enjoy the fine art of head cheese sculpting immediately following your Burger King Cuisine.

  3. Jeff H says:

    Hey, my name’s Jeffrey! Let’s be friends! I’m heading out to the Burger King on the corner of I-75 and Windy Hill Rd right now! I’ll see you there! I’m so excited. I’m finally going to have a friend!

  4. Yerffej says:

    Argghhh- I am the anti-Jeffrey come to torment you and drag you to dine on the cuisine of the eternally damned, conventiently known as McHell’s Kitchen.

    There you will be forced to play with nothing other than feral cats as they chase you through a maze of tube slides and a vat of colorful little orbs from which few return.

  5. peter says:

    Yerffej, your offer sounds appealing. I wish to subscribe to your monthly newsletter.

  6. dahmer says:

    man, it isn’t usually this easy…

  7. William Jefferson Clinton says:

    Greetings Peter,

    My name has “Jeff” embedded in it somewhere. Can I still be your friend? Did I mention I was also a President and a Rhodes Scholar?

  8. Why do you have to be so hot all the time? Seriously, why?

  9. Yerffej says:


    Monthly newsletters are for pussies. Besides I know you only plan to rip it up, smoke it, put the ashes in your blow and huff it.

    I like my ideas to remain enigmatic anyway.

  10. peter says:

    It probably goes without saying, Yerffej, but your ideas are most welcome here at the JLP.

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