Redemption

This is my last post of May, 2007.

What a waste.

I feel like I really squandered this month of blogging. I didn’t bear in mind that ownership of the JLP is a privilege, not a right. As such, I spent spare moments slapping together bizzare, tangental ramblings with little merit supplemented with pictures of cats pleasuring themselves. Is this really why I started this website? What have I become? I fear have betrayed my very soul.

Oh well. I can’t go back and re-write this month’s posts. All I can do is finish strong. I can pour all that I am into this very post in hopes that somehow, some way, I can be redeemed.

We all know there’s only one way to make this happen.

alf.jpg
What’s up with ALF? Do you remember that show?

Remember how he tried to eat the cat all the time, and how he always sassed back to Willy, his earthly guardian? If you ask me, ALF wrote the book on hijinks!

I wish that show would have shown us ALF barfing. I feel like that would have been an interesting plotline to pursue. Just have him puke a whole bunch of times, and the whole family tries to help him, but nobody can stop it. Maybe the ‘B’ story could have been about little Brian being bullied at school. But mostly, it would just have been ALF barfing.

I still got it! Ain’t no stopping us now!

See you in hell, May 2007!

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10 Responses to Redemption

  1. ALF says:

    Hey Willy…..BAAAARRRRRFFF. Well looks like I just barfed all over the cat. Best if I just eat him now to get rid of the smell.

  2. peter says:

    Willy: ALF, you have to stop barfing!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!! I love humor!

  3. _steve says:

    Hey…don’t be hatin’ on May 2007. It’s the best month in human history. Let’s run a brief recap, shall we?

    5/1/07 – God creates the universe.
    5/2/07 – The NBA is formed.
    5/3/07 – Tiger Woods wins the 872nd annual Master’s Tournament.
    5/4/07 – The Post-It is invented.
    5/5/07 – Jesus dies for your sins.
    5/6/07 – The barbarian king Algor decapitates 475 million of his enemies in the wastelands of northern Scandinavia.
    5/7/07 – Batman Begins is released on DVD.
    5/8/07 – The First Bank of the United States is created by Congress.
    5/9/07 – Early humans master the art of creating fire.
    5/10/07 – The first glass is accidentally created when a freak lightning storm destroys Venice Beach, California.
    5/11/07 – Moses leads the Israelites out of Egypt.
    5/12/07 – Russian mystic Rasputin is assassinated.
    5/13/07 – Peter Parker is bitten by a mutant spider.
    5/14/07 – The Big Bang.
    5/15/07 – The first multi-cellular organism evolves out of the primordial goo.
    5/16/07 – Billy Graham ascends into heaven on a fiery chariot.
    5/17/07 – Leonardo da Vinci invents a prototype helicopter, which he then uses to fight VC alongside American General Zachary Taylor.
    5/18/07 – The black monolith featured in the movies 2001: A Space Odyssey and 2010: The Year We Make Contact is elected President of the United States.
    5/19/07 – Sir Walter Raleigh defeats the demon hordes of Francisco Pizarro at the Battle of Wake Island.
    5/20/07 – The electron is discovered.
    5/21/07 – Batman Begins is released in theaters.
    5/22/07 – Sarah Conner prevents Judgment Day.
    5/23/07 – The Internet is invented by Al Gore’s twin brother, Al Gore.
    5/24/07 – An elderly Toonces the Driving Cat accidentally plows through a farmer’s market and kills 47 billion people.
    5/25/07 – ROCK TV IS BORN!!!!!!
    5/26/07 – Peter marries Bridgette, who subsequently births their cat Ben Franklin from the depths of her left ear canal.
    5/27/07 – Shia LeBouf is finally recognized on the street by a movie buff.
    5/28/07 – Wayne Goldsberry (of Bare-Handed Buck Love ’96 fame) is elected Secretary-General of the United Nations, and leads humanity to victory against the warlike race of Martian elves.
    5/29/07 – Mao Tse-Tung finally defeats the Nationalist forces and establishes the People’s Republic of China.
    5/30/07 – An unbelievably obese cat wanders across I-40 in Oklahoma and is plowed down by an 18-wheeler, resulting in an explosion of cat intestines so massive that the surrounding six counties are declared a federal disaster area.
    5/31/07 – At two minutes to midnight (EST), the skies open up to reveal the Second Coming of Albert Einstein.

    (This history lesson is brought to you by the letter Q, the number 4, the makers of Percocet, and viewers like you.)

  4. peter says:

    “5/17/07 – Leonardo da Vinci invents a prototype helicopter, which he then uses to fight VC alongside American General Zachary Taylor.”

    This is perhaps the funniest thing ever posted on this blog. Nice work, Steve!

  5. Sarah says:

    I was born the same day as Rock TV? SWEET!!!! Though that I was not born ON ROck TV is somehow anti-climatic.

    Thank you Percocet.

  6. Kevin S. says:

    Good to know that the National Basketball Association predates the birth of galaxies. Sort of like lesbianism predating the WNBA.

  7. Thom says:

    My favorite Alf Episode was the one where he killed the annoying neighbor and serves them to the cat. Wacky Alf.

  8. I believe that Peter is now copying other people’s blogs…that’s cheap.

    http://whalengrind.blogspot.com/2007/02/where-has-my-alf-gone.html#comments

  9. peter says:

    I don’t think this counts as copying, unless by my mere mention of ALF, I’m doing so.

    Plus, I was doing it ironically, which makes me superior.

  10. Ana Muñiz says:

    Hola yo soy mexicana y me gusta mucho esta serie tiene un humor muy bueno, pero si es verdad aveces las mejores series osea con mejor historia, guion, etc.., simplemente se acaban y no debe ser asi, pero ni modo, a mi si me gusta esta serie de verdad que me hace reir
    asi que ojala que la transmitieran de nuevo en Mexico please!!
    Gracias adios

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