I’m writing this in a Panera, surrounded on all sides by boisterous middle aged women. I am disoriented and frightened.
But perhaps I should explain.
I seem to be caught in the crossfire of a meeting of Avon ladies. In a bit of perfect irony, the meeting is being led by a grotesque, leathery-skinned she-troll whose makeup approxomates the horrific look of Dee Snider, lead singer of of Twisted Sister.
Seriously guys, I wish I could snap a picture. This lady’s face looks like a football, and they’re all attentively listening to her describe how Avon’s new products make women look five years younger. That means that if she’s using them, she is roughly 136 years old.
By the way, if you comment within the next ten minutes, I can get you three jars of night cream for the price of two. Apparently this stuff works miracles. Skeletor told me so.