Bee Delights

Fear not, everyone! The bees are most assuredly not disappearing.

Bee sure to conceal your anus from the bees!

I have found them. They are in my house.

On Sunday afternoon, Bridgette and I returned from a short cabin retreat to find our basement window teeming with yellowjackets. This was in no way unnerving. I’ll level with you people, spending 30 minutes in longsleeves and a winter hat swatting and sucking up bees with a vaccuum cleaner wasn’t the most enjoyable thing I’ve ever done. A few hours later, another batch of those yellow-striped bastards popped up, but this time I was much less hesitant. Choosing to forego the protective wear, I blasted the bees back to hell with my berzerker attack, swirling in a counter-clockwise motion while snipping scissors and barking obscenities.

This was a tactical error on my behalf, and led to numerous stings across my upper body, including one directly into my left retina.

This morning, an elderly, pot-bellied exterminator visited our home and sprayed the yellowjackets to kingdom come. Hopefully I will return this evening to find a basement riddled with crunchy bee carcasses. I will then feed them to Ben Franklin, our cat, to increase his hit points and vitality.

See you in hell, bees.

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11 Responses to Bee Delights

  1. tim hopps says:

    i hope he let a couple of bees survive. lately i’ve been stirring honey into my coffee rather than sugar. try it, it’s yummy!

  2. Sarah says:

    Unfortunately not all bees make honey. Yellow jackets just make annoyance.

  3. Thom says:

    You should have used a flame thrower. That would have solved the problem.

  4. Jeff H says:

    This post gives me the jibblies. Wait, here they come again… :the jibblies:

  5. tim hopps says:

    well, if we’re going to get all scientific (see sarah’s comment), i don’t think the photo on the blog is of yellow jackets. i believe the pictured bees ARE making honey, honey!

  6. scott says:

    i relish the opportunities to murder stinging insects. the unsuspecting wasps that like to forge nests around my house have no idea what’s coming until the liquid death produced from a can of Raid hits them.

  7. tim hopps says:

    i’ve had crickets in my basement. one night i was watching tv at night and i could hear one chirping… figuring it was unlikely that todd luker was hiding in my basement, i found the chirping kind of charming. then as the days passed, it got louder and louder. eventually i started actually SEEING them… first one, then several, hopping around like they owned the place. one actually jumped on me. no longer charming in the least. like you scott, i relished fumigating the basement with a can of Raid. later i vacuumed up all their little corpses and didn’t feel a bit sorry.

  8. Thom says:

    Well…if we must be real scientific… Yellow Jackets are wasps, not bees.

  9. Sarah says:

    It’s all Peter’s fault for posting a misleading picture.

  10. ed says:

    Throughout the past year, I have exterminated no less than 9 wasp nests in and around my house. One such extermination required me to create an ad-hoc “bee suit”, because the nest was very large and the location of the nest forced me to be right next to it before I could spray it with raid. I used two sweatshirts, two pairs of pants, boots, gloves, duct tape, and a mesh baseball cap. I put the mesh of the baseball cap over my face, then pulled my hood over my head and drew the hood cords very tight, so that I could see out a small hole protected with mesh. It was awesome.

  11. Sarah says:

    Ed, were your sweatshirts bright yellow with duct tape stripes ofr camouflage effect?

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