Waspy Crunch

Hey kids, tired of the same old cereal?

Finally realized that Cocoa Krispies taste like shredded paper? Sick of forcing down gulpfuls of Froot Loops that literally taste worse than sickly human excrement? Does the thought of another bowl of Kix make you vomit a fountain of bagels and bile across your desk?

Then try new Waspy Crunch! The only cereal available in this country with bee-related nutrients! Taste the flavor of thorax-puss with a tangy zing of their frightning venom! These flavors will explode in your mouth with every crunchy spoonful! What’s that? You taste that extra sass? That’s the chocolate-coated antennae slamming you to the ground, forcing your face into the sandbox, and taste-raping your tongue!

Waspy Crunch is exclusively available across the floor of my basement, thanks to the nice exterminator-man. Order now!

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11 Responses to Waspy Crunch

  1. Sarah says:

    “Taste-raping your tongue”- nice. That should hitherforth be the new slogan of the JLP.

  2. Thom says:

    It’s to bad that the Wasps in Waspy Crunch are dead. Imagine the fun of trying to pour them into a bowl alive.

  3. kevin s. says:

    Instead of a cute cartoon mascot, I think Waspy Crunch should feature an autistic janitor named Reynold.

  4. tim hopps says:

    good one, t-hom :)

    i have a plant on my deck, i think it’s called a citronella, that smells exactly like Froot Loops.

  5. scott says:

    would the stingers be removed in Waspy Crunch? I think I’d want to eat it without knowing!

    and I agree with Sarah, “taste-raping your tongue” is an excellent adverb/adjective/descriptor word.

  6. Adam says:

    It sounds like a fiesta of flavor; a party in my mouth.

  7. peter says:

    Jeff, that link is hysterical! Beautiful bee death!

  8. scott says:

    Jeff, that is the ultimate bee killing story.

    RIP old swingset.

  9. Sarah says:

    I am astounded at the ingenuity. :) I have to admit I was impressed both with the photography and the aim of whoever was throwing the objects. It’s like it was all meant to be.

    I hope this experience was used for the next science project- how many accelerants and for how long does it take to kill a swarm of bees?

  10. Christine says:

    Oh man, the look of glee on his face as he throws the trailer hitch at them is my favorite part.

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