Bill Cosby: America’s Mildly Amusing Grandfather

I spent my weekend in the cozy confines of the Iron Range with my wife’s family. A weekend spent deep in the taconite-rich soil of Virginia, MN is a welcome respite from my busy city life. It gives me a moment to reflect and ponder on the important things in life. A time to be still and reflect on the passage of life.

Time to read a book like Cool Cos: The Story of Bill Cosby.

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This weighty, 138-page tome was published in 1969 and remains the finest, most scholarly overview of the comedic giant’s life available to the public. It is believed by this author that this book won 11 Academy Awards in March 1970, even though no film adaptation of it was ever produced or considered.

A few nuggets of valuable gleaned from the book…

Bill Cosby was born a black child in Philadelphia.

Cosby dropped out of high school, though his IQ was high enough to gain him admission into prestigious private schools. He blamed this failure on a lack of effort on his part.

Atop a blackened mountain in 1964, Bill Cosby destroyed the Fire Queen by stabbing her with a sharpened Amulet of Avercorn. He later turned this into a beloved comedy routine where he made funny faces.

After passing an equivalency exam for his GED, Cosby was a star athelete at Temple University, where he majored in physical education.

Cosby was homeless and destitude from the years 1974-1996. During that time, it is believed that he lost most of his teeth and he earned what little money he had by fighting feral dogs to the death and starring in a family sitcom of some repute.

Cosby was cast as the co-star of the hit television series I Spy, making him the first African-American lead in a television drama series in American history.

Cosby’s mother described him as always being at the center of attention as a child because of his wacky antics.

Before going on stage to perform, Bill Cosby eats raw meat and bays at the moon.

Cosby’s early comedy material was considered very cutting edge. He eventually stopped doing a particular bit where he repeatedly put a loaded pistol in his mouth and would encourage the audience to egg him on to a gruesome public suicide. This routine regularly ended with a three-quarters empty club and Cosby passed out on the stage. Ironically, this bit landed him an appearance on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.

Bill Cosby pulled himself up by his bootstraps.

Cosby’s bootstraps are now enshrined at the Smithsonian, along with one of his platinum-selling comedy albums and his severed left hand.

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8 Responses to Bill Cosby: America’s Mildly Amusing Grandfather

  1. Sarah says:

    He wouldn’t have lost all his teeth if he wouldn’t have eaten so many Jell-O pops.

  2. Thom says:

    Man…between this and the fact that the Cos loves to sue people who write stuff like this into bankruptcy? My week is looking brighter already!

  3. kevin s. says:

    There is a LOT of hair in my keyboard.

  4. ted says:

    Bill Cosby is Black?!

  5. scott says:

    wtf? the Cos was homeless during The Cosby Show? i would have never guessed that. the episode where he had to appear homeless to go purchase the new car with Theo must have been easy for him then.

  6. tim hopps says:

    well, i’ve been good lately about not telling “on the road” stories on this blog for some time now, but when you mentioned Virginia MN, i couldn’t resist. back in the 80’s, we played in downtown Virginia at Norman’s Nightclub, owned by Tim Norman, many, many times. we would play monday-saturday nights… 6-nighters were common in those days. We always stayed at the Ski-View Motel and ate nearly every meanl at Luke’s Diner which was next door to the Ski-View. Despite raising hell on numerous occasions, ol’ Betty, the owner of the Ski-View, always let us come back. i remember once in awhile when we were being too noisy, she’d come down in her bathrobe and tell us to keep it down. and i, usually drunk, would try to get her to party with us (she never did). ok, so here’s the actual story: one night a girl that none of us knew was at one of our after-bars parties. she was mad that none of the band or crew had “chosen” her for the night, so she slipped into the adjoining room and stole a case of cassette tapes. i saw her running out the door so i chased her into the parking lot. she jumped into her car, but before she could shut the door, i stood between the door and her, trying to grab the tape case. so she starts the car and jams it into reverse and floors it, pinning me against the car door with cetrifugal force as she screeched backwards. then she slammed on the brakes, throwing me halfway across the parking lot. i must’ve rolled about 20 times before coming to a bloody, scraped up stop (no broken bones though… my drunkenness created a rag-doll effect which may have saved me). my light tech Ron had just come outside and before she could take off, dove into her driver’s side window and grabbed the case. when he saw me lying bloody on the ground, he went nuts and punched her (amazingly, i still feel sorry for her to this day… a guy punching a gal is never cool, even if she did literally try to kill me). anyway, they carried me back into the motel room and we continued with our party, me with my ripped parachute pants and bloody limbs, but one heck of a good story to tell and retell.

  7. peter says:

    Those Iron Range ladies sure are classy.

    That’s why I married one!

  8. tim hopps says:

    well, peter, i hate to tell you this, but the girl in the story WAS bridgette!!!

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