Since Bridgette got her job at my school, we’ve been gone a lot more. I start work at 7:15am, and she isn’t done until 6pm, so this means we’re generally gone 12-13 hours a day. During this time, our cat Franklin would sit at home alone watching birds, eating paper towels, and crapping in a filthy box in the basement. In an effort to keep him entertained during the week and during our frequent weekend excursions, Bridgette and I decided that we should get another cat.

We purchased this cat from a humane society. She is a third the size of Franklin, which we felt would help him to feel less threatened. Interestingly, this same reasoning explains why John Adams often knelt before Ben Franklin in their dealings. The real Ben Franklin was also known to puff out his chest and flair his colors in an attempt to frighten and disorient members of the 2nd Continental Congress.

As you can see from this picture, Franklin has taken an acute interest in his new companion. He has become our little stalker, keeping her in eyeshot 24 hours a day. Occasionally they will run about and tackle each other, which seems to scare the living crap out of her. Also, last night Franklin lovingly, tenderly licked her butt for about 30 seconds. Truly I tell you, no greater love is there than when one willingly licks the fragrant anus of his neighbor.

And now we come to the issue of the new cat’s name. We wanted to name her after somebody special, somebody important. We also wanted this new name to match the geriatric vibes that “Franklin” has. The winning suggestion, in the end, came from Bridgette. We were bandying about famous women from pop culture, and she suggested the horny, sass-talking grandma from Who’s the Boss – Mona.

A terrible show, and a silly and unoriginal character, but who cares? After all, she’ll probably end up getting run over anyway.