As most of you know, the JLP’s influence over this great land is pervasive and unstoppable, like Manifest Destiny on meth.
In support of this preposterous and untenable claim, I offer you this photograph, taken from a Rainbow Foods flyer we got in the mail on Saturday.
From what I can make out, this abomination of a sandwich contains five hamburger patties, two tomato slices, three hunks of lettuce, three slices of cheese, nine or ten pickles, mayo, mustard, onions, six buns, and bacon. Dear lord, are these people actually marketing directly to me and this site’s readers? This monstrosity makes turducken look like a Weight Watchers product.
Seriously though, what the hell is that thing? Is it even food? It looks more like an ill-advised Jenga spinoff to me. Don’t get me wrong, few people in this world love hamburgers more than myself, but the sheer artery-destroying power of this sucker genuinely terrifying.
Still, I’ve got to hand it to Rainbow’s advertising folks. Either they have some sort of focus group data I’m unaware of or they just took a “what the hell” approach and went as far overboard as they could go. I mean, does this appeal to people? Of course it appeals to me, but it’s been well established that my attitudes on such matters are outside the mean. Hell, I’ll wake up at 3am just to eat some beef jerky for a while.
Kudos to you, Rainbow foods. Your preposterous advertising has momentarily endeard me to your stores. We still won’t shop at your stores though. We don’t buy groceries, just on general principle.