Ravenwish

If you could have just a single lollipop-wish, what would it be?

A forever cuddle? A sherbet snuggle? A raspberry straddle?

I personally wouldn’t wish for any of those things (though I would love to give you one, if you are willing!). I personally wish that every crow on the planet earth would simultaneously explode. I think that would be the bee’s knee. Can you imagine the sound of that? It would be like the Meat Flop times a million. Wouldn’t it be neat to see a whole line of crows sitting on a power line suddenly just pop? All their guts and beak fragments would softly fall to the ground like rain from hell. Grown men would shriek in terror and mothers would pull their children off the streets. Global warming would be cited. It would be awesome.

It is true that wishes are magical gifts from the universe, like newborn puppies or the pope. So tonight, when the stars begin to twinkle in the night sky, close your eyes, and wish with me. Don’t wish selfishly for firmer buttocks or a cure for cancer, instead wish along with me that a whole bunch of crows would blow up and spray all over a bunch of dudes. Don’t tell anybody. Don’t even whisper it! Only in our mind’s eye can we imagine such happiness!

If it doesn’t work, I’ll cut you.