Hey, buddy. Yeah, you. Come over here.

Hurry up. Come stand next to me.

Wanna look at my duckbucket?

Check it out. I took a regular metal bucket and filled it with ducks. Now it’s a duckbucket. Pretty sweet huh?

They’re still because they’re dead. Most of them are dead, anyway. I basically mutilated them. Ain’t no duckbucket if all the ducks run away.

Don’t walk away. Stay with me. Here, hold my duckbucket for a while. Heavy, huh? I also put a brick in there. Then I covered it with ducks.

Don’t you just hate ducks? The way they walk around so slow and follow each other? Yeah, me too. I hate ducks so much. I haven’t been able to sleep in four days – I got ducks on the mind.

Do you have any ideas what I should do with this duckbucket? I’ve been carrying it around for a couple days, now. It’s getting kinda heavy and stinky. Should I put more ducks in it? Do you have any ducks I could use for a while?

The last thing my father said to me was that I’d never make anything of myself, that I’d never amount to anything and I’d spend my days working menial jobs in exchange for half-eaten cheeseburgers. Now I’ve got a bunch of ducks in a damned bucket. Take that, Dad.

Okay friend, I should probably get going. I’m running late. I need to get to city hall, where Minneapolis mayor R.T. Rybak is introducing me as the new Fire Chief. I’m going to show everybody my ducks.

This entry was posted in Best of the JLP, Ramblings. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Duckbucket

  1. Thom says:

    Nothing covers up the smell of dead ducks like dead ferrets.

  2. B-Dub Whale Man says:

    Why don’t you have a detailed picture with said duckbucket?

  3. scott says:

    i don’t know where you come up with this stuff dude. i usually put mutilated ducks in a plastic bucket, like one you’d take to the beach.

  4. How’d you do it? Peter? Didjda break their necks??? I like to break their necks… Satifyin’. When you break their necks, they don’t go “quack” or anything. They just tremor a bit and die. They die like my heart Peter. Do you know what it is to be me? Do you know what it’s like? You never will, Peter… But at least we have the ducks, you and me.

    Come to my treehouse later, and we’ll play canasta.

  5. Dead Duck says:


  6. ted says:

    Peter & Kevin’s first collaborative work?

  7. tim hopps says:

    hey, this blog is exactly like yesterday’s. same comments and everything. i thought there’d be a halloween extravaganza. ripoff!

  8. peter says:

    Sorry Tom, I’ve decided to make Wednesdays an off-day for blogging. I’m just way too busy most Wednesdays to get a decent post done.

    You can take me out and rebuke me later, if you need to.


  9. Sarah says:

    I wish I could post pictures in the comments.
    My brother and his friend have an ongoing protest on duck rape. Apparently it’s a problem??? ANyway my brother bought a great t-shirt for the cause.

    I also read some Asian country is releasng a field of rubber ducks down some river???

    Did I miss something? Is 2007 the year of the duck?

    ….oh yeah, I agree with Ted. When I first read this post I thought Kevin had written it.

    I think Kevin should dress up as R T Rybak for Halloween. Wouldn’t that be scary?????

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