Hey, buddy. Yeah, you. Come over here.
Hurry up. Come stand next to me.
Wanna look at my duckbucket?
Check it out. I took a regular metal bucket and filled it with ducks. Now it’s a duckbucket. Pretty sweet huh?
They’re still because they’re dead. Most of them are dead, anyway. I basically mutilated them. Ain’t no duckbucket if all the ducks run away.
Don’t walk away. Stay with me. Here, hold my duckbucket for a while. Heavy, huh? I also put a brick in there. Then I covered it with ducks.
Don’t you just hate ducks? The way they walk around so slow and follow each other? Yeah, me too. I hate ducks so much. I haven’t been able to sleep in four days – I got ducks on the mind.
Do you have any ideas what I should do with this duckbucket? I’ve been carrying it around for a couple days, now. It’s getting kinda heavy and stinky. Should I put more ducks in it? Do you have any ducks I could use for a while?
The last thing my father said to me was that I’d never make anything of myself, that I’d never amount to anything and I’d spend my days working menial jobs in exchange for half-eaten cheeseburgers. Now I’ve got a bunch of ducks in a damned bucket. Take that, Dad.
Okay friend, I should probably get going. I’m running late. I need to get to city hall, where Minneapolis mayor R.T. Rybak is introducing me as the new Fire Chief. I’m going to show everybody my ducks.