Yikes! Have you been outside yet today? It’s cold!
As I drove to work this morning, my car was warm and familiar. The skies were dark, but I was at peace. Listening to the cozy melodies of my mix CDs, my consciousness was an annointed bed of comfort and acceptance.
However, as soon as I stepped out of my car, I could feel the windy hate-prickles burrow beyond my stout whiskers and molest my cheek-skin. The icy wintershame penetrated my lungs as I sunk my head into my winter coat and bustled along toward the doors. In the 50-meter jog from my vehicle to the school, my nose became reddened and crisp, and my voice croaked in a haggard, frozen agony as I cried out for mercy into the callous void.
Just before entering the school, I paused. Somewhere deep in the crystalline distance, I heard something. After a still moment of reflection, I was able to identify it as the distinct, orgiastic echoes of an unblemished goat being sacrificially hacked to death by dancing visigoth barbarians. In my chilled mind’s eye, I could see their ceremonial dances and shouting as their hulking cheiftan held aloft the goat’s warm, still beating heart.
Also, I think I heard children sledding.
Winter has returned in all its glory, my friends.