Another Post About How Cold It Is

Yikes! Have you been outside yet today? It’s cold!

As I drove to work this morning, my car was warm and familiar. The skies were dark, but I was at peace. Listening to the cozy melodies of my mix CDs, my consciousness was an annointed bed of comfort and acceptance.

However, as soon as I stepped out of my car, I could feel the windy hate-prickles burrow beyond my stout whiskers and molest my cheek-skin. The icy wintershame penetrated my lungs as I sunk my head into my winter coat and bustled along toward the doors. In the 50-meter jog from my vehicle to the school, my nose became reddened and crisp, and my voice croaked in a haggard, frozen agony as I cried out for mercy into the callous void.

Just before entering the school, I paused. Somewhere deep in the crystalline distance, I heard something. After a still moment of reflection, I was able to identify it as the distinct, orgiastic echoes of an unblemished goat being sacrificially hacked to death by dancing visigoth barbarians. In my chilled mind’s eye, I could see their ceremonial dances and shouting as their hulking cheiftan held aloft the goat’s warm, still beating heart.

Also, I think I heard children sledding.

Winter has returned in all its glory, my friends.

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11 Responses to Another Post About How Cold It Is

  1. peter says:

    Uh…what? Hyundais?

  2. Sarah says:

    Only in this blog could I ever find the word “orgiastic”.

  3. Craig says:

    children sledding… what a macabre sight! sheesh…

  4. Thom says:

    Dirt sledding, the new Minnesota pastime that kids indulge in after a winters flurry.

  5. i’ll bet Chef Pierre could whip up a luscious hot drink of some sort to warm your icy soul.

  6. ted says:

    That distant noise you heard was Bridgette. She stepped out of the car and feel down. She was calling for you to help her but you never heard, you never came.

  7. Craig says:

    The dark skies you beheld with your eyes were not really there. This all occurred within the confines of your head in a Starship Enterprise holodeck projection simulation.

  8. peter says:

    Craig, I will accept your statement as fact without questioning it. I wonder how many of my most cherished memories were actually creations of the holodeck?

  9. Craig says:

    And if that’s the case, Peter, the next crucial question is: Who’s flying the ship?

    Captain Wonderland, not to be confused with Doctor Stangeland (Keith)…

    I don’t know what I’m doing. These words are useless… ahh!!!

  10. Peter: the Hyundai thing is a well-known [to me] spammer.

    He’s gone. I think Daihatsu translates to “Fuck off, Hyundai spammer.”

  11. peter says:

    Go get him, Geof!

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