A Highlighter Journey

Hey you guys ever sucked on a highlighter?

Try it sometime. Bite down hard on the felt tip and start sucking. It makes a weird sound and it tastes terrible and it kinda screws up the color of your lips for a couple days, but it’s awesome.

Here, watch how I do it.

*phhffffffffmmmmmmmmmmmmnngh!*

There, see? I just sucked that pink bastard dry. Oh god, that taste is disgusting. It’s like the chemical formula for sorrow. Why did I do this?

The remorse is unbearable. I am seriously regretting sucking on that highlighter. I can feel the pink toxins begin to drip into my stomach. Everything is so awful right now.

I’m seeing colors I shouldn’t be seeing. The room is beginning to spin…

Father? Father, is that you? I sucked the pink highlighter for you, Father. Just to see your face again.

Thanks for visiting my blog, everyone. I hope you found it to be encouraging and edifying.

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9 Responses to A Highlighter Journey

  1. Adam says:

    I haven’t been one to suck on highlighters, but I do breathe on them sometimes to make them more moist. Now there is a good word: “moist.”

  2. peter says:

    You make a good point, Adam.

  3. Tim Hopps says:

    i used to spray PAM into a plastic bag and inhale it. unfortunately, unlike peter’s story, mine is true.

    dat’s why ahm sa dam dum.

  4. my favorite line: “everything is so awful right now.” why that makes me laugh i don’t know, but this post gets a solid “A”.

    how ’bout you, adam?

  5. Craig says:

    I used to eat Cherry Chapstick. Maybe I still do.

  6. Craig says:

    “dat’s why ahm sa dam dum…”

    Sounds like Paul Simon’s “Graceland” album lyrics.

    Oh wah, oh wah,

    Craig

  7. peter says:

    Craig, further reading on chapstick consumption can be found here:

    http://johnlarroquetteproject.com/archives/2004/06/07/chap-stick-lust/

  8. Craig says:

    Wow! I’m not alone. =)

  9. Roger says:

    I told you not to use the pink. You’ll go blind!

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