Winter Wondering
Last night, after finishing up my bootlegged copy of K-Ville’s bone-crushing first 8 episodes, Bridgette and I listened to some Christmas music to pump up the yule around our house. With the sonorous strains of Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin’s booze-soaked voices came the warmth and peace of the Christmas season.
With my arm around my bride, we sang songs ‘neath the glow of our artificial tree. The soft ruffling of our cats chewing on the plastic branches accompanied us as we sang some of our favorite carols, including an old favorite – “Winter Wonderland”:
In the meadow we can build a snowman
And pretend that he is Parson Brown…
-hold on a second. Let’s examine this a moment. Certainly the idea of building a snowman with your romantic interest is a lovely one replete with images of wintertime gaiety and apple-cheeked merriment. The “Parson Brown” bit left me a bit in the dark, until some online research revealed the “Parson” is an antiquated term for a travelling Protestant minister. Fair enough, mystery solved.
But, why? Why would we build a snowman and then pretend that he is a travelling Protestant minister? Why would we pretend that he is real at all? Isn’t it enough to just build a damn snowman?! Do we now have to pretend that they are clergy as well? Perhaps the song will provide another clue:
In the meadow we can build a snowman
And pretend that he is Parson Brown
He’ll say “Are you married?” We’ll say “No man,
but you can do the job when you’re in town!”
This is all becoming a bit sociopathic. We will build a snowman. We will personify our three snowballs as an educated, respected member of the religious community. We will then engage in an imaginary conversation with him where we politely decline his services for the time being. Did I just miss something or is that completely bizarre?
How about this instead? How about you and your romantic interest go out for a nice meal at an Italian restaurant? End of story. End of song. No snowmen, no parsons, and no imagined conversations with lifeless chunks of ice. Just shut up, Winter Wonderland. Shut up forever.
Merry Christmas, everybody!
Categories:
Were you interrupted when you wrote this?
Not really, the workroom was pretty empty this morning. Any problems with this post are therefore the fault of the writer, not circumstance.
This is why I like this blog. It’s so educational.
I was also wondering where the story of Rudolph and the whole reindeer thing originated. Perhaps Peter could post on that tomorrow….
i’m with Sarah, i was educated by this post, as well as the previous posts where Peter somehow melds historical fact with satire.
btw, how was the K-Ville binge? being a local, i rather enjoy the show, even if it is not exactly accurate a lot of the time.
Last year, at the Salvage Yard Christmas party, I opened up with the classic Beatles’ “Getting Better” chords (some variant of the F chord) which segued into the key of C where I began singing “Winter Wonderland” in the same rhythm. It fooled everyone. Made some say to me, “Way to steal some chords from a famous Beatles song, Craig.”
Ah, mission accomplished! =)
“the soft ruffling of our cats chewing on the plastic branches…” was my favorite part (aside from the phrase “apple-cheeked merriment” which will remain in my vocabulary). this year, my neice’s dog has already chewed the head off of one of the 3 kings of the nativity scene under the tree. one year, our dog peed on the presents, and another year, our cat knocked the whole darn tree over. christmas and animals make for some real holiday hilarity!
[...] Winter Wondering [...]
wouldn’t it be weird if you woke up and you were somehow standing up in the living room with lights adorned over your body, with garland, ornaments (the whole works) while the tree somehow goes to your bed and is laying down with the covers over it?
and then the cat climbs up you and chews on your (fill in the blank)!
Our family’s had the dog knock over the tree on more than one occasion. One time it was even knocked all the way downstairs!
Good times……..
Oh and last year was classic, the dog kept trying to lay on my shoes as I opened presents christmas morning. I kept moving my shoes so he wouldn’t lay on them, then he threw up all over them….perhaps in spite.
I would guess the dog chewing off the head of a Nativity wiseman is probably the dog’s way of demanding historical and Biblical accuracy.
when i was little, i used to play “tornado” with the nativity scene. i would have them all run into the stable as the tornado approached, then raise it into the air and shake it around, then have it fall back to the ground, open it up and they’d be all piled on top of one another. i also used to tie strings around the figures’ necks and make a puppet show out of it. i was weird, if not extremely blasphemous.
[...] The John Larroquette Project: Winter Wondering “This is all becoming a bit sociopathic. We will build a snowman. We will personify our three snowballs as an educated, respected member of the religious community. We will then engage in an imaginary conversation with him where we politely decline his se (tags: humor) [...]
“wouldn’t it be weird if you woke up and you were somehow standing up in the living room with lights adorned over your body, with garland, ornaments (the whole works) while the tree somehow goes to your bed and is laying down with the covers over it?”
People. People! How did this get overlooked? It’s comic gold!
ahhhh, cats!!!
and Tim….om, you WERE weird??
Hey hey…let’s do italian…..forget the snowman.
Maggianos? Seriously….it’d be soo good to see you guys again soon.
thanks for your picking that apart……….none-to-many people will be happy having their Christmas favorites cancelled, but I’m glad you had the guts to stand up for what you can’t believe in.
laters
Jen
Yay! Let’s do that!