I was wrong about you, Keith Marler.
Yesterday I wrote a somewhat scattered post that pointlessly ripped into Fox 9 meteorologist Keith Marler. Since then, he wrote a good-natured comment on that entry and he and I have exchanged emails this morning. Turns out, he’s a pretty nice guy with an enjoyable sense of humor. For example, just 30 minutes ago he wrote me this:
I started looking at your Rock TV stuff – I’ll have to watch a few when I get home (read: away from work). It looks like your stuff is right up my humor alley (what exactly IS a “humor alley” and why does it sound slightly innuendo-istic ?)
I apologize to you, Keith Marler. Why was I so cruel? Why did I call you “portly”? After all, you are much better described as “stout”.
Do you accept my apology, Keith Marler? Is there some way I can make this animalistic cruelty up to you? Perhaps you would like to come over to my house tonight for a sleepover? You can bring a sleeping bag, but lay on our bed with my wife and I. That way we could keep appropriate boundaries. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.
Keith Marler, why did I misjudge you? Sure you talk too fast sometimes, that’s okay. It’s probably medical or stemming from some unspoken childhood trauma. Don’t let it affect your self esteem. After all, true courage is being yourself despite what other people say. Compared with your life, John McCain’s 5 years in a Viet Cong POW camp look like a relaxing weekend at family-friendly Wisconsin Dells.
Take my hand, Keith Marler. Do you feel their clammy trembliness? I feel terrible for what I have done. Do you see my eyes water and my lip quiver? I am about to cry bitter tears of remorse!
EMOTION!! TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE EMOTION!!
Please, Keith Marler! Let me embrace you on-air during your Fox 9 morning broadcast! My penance must be both public and humiliating! If we cannot warmly grasp one another while the weather is being reported, I suggest you air 10 uninturrupted minutes of me using a public restroom. Then, and only then, will your reputation be redeemed.
I love you, Keith Marler.