I think I’m getting old.
Last night, I experienced a terrible flash of awareness while I sat watching television. The Breakfast Club happened to be on, and I was watching it absentmindedly while getting my work done.
“Yeah…” I thought to myself, “these kids are jerks!” Somebody needs to give Judd Nelson’s character his comeuppance!
Fortunately for me, Judd Nelson gave himself his own comeuppance by signing on as a principle cast member of NBC’s flaccid late-90’s sitcom Suddenly Susan.
For all these reasons and more, I demand that The Breakfast Club be re-imagined by Hollywood hitmaker Michael Bay, and that the story be told from the perspective of Principal Vernon. Vernon would be played by Nicolas Cage, who I’m fairly certain is available these days. The film’s outlook should be bleak, almost nihlistic, as it tells the story of a disillusioned man left to spend his Saturday mornings with a bunch of narcissistic little ingrates spouting pseudo-profoundities and prone to incomprehensible fits of joyless dancing.
The film will be called Shut Up, All of You: The Principal Vernon Story, and it will release on Memorial Day 2009. See you there!