Kids These Days…

I think I’m getting old.

Last night, I experienced a terrible flash of awareness while I sat watching television. The Breakfast Club happened to be on, and I was watching it absentmindedly while getting my work done.

As the film progressed, however, I found myself sympathizing at moments with the Principal Vernon character.
principal-vernon.jpg

“Yeah…” I thought to myself, “these kids are jerks!” Somebody needs to give Judd Nelson’s character his comeuppance!

juddnelson.jpg

Fortunately for me, Judd Nelson gave himself his own comeuppance by signing on as a principle cast member of NBC’s flaccid late-90’s sitcom Suddenly Susan.

For all these reasons and more, I demand that The Breakfast Club be re-imagined by Hollywood hitmaker Michael Bay, and that the story be told from the perspective of Principal Vernon. Vernon would be played by Nicolas Cage, who I’m fairly certain is available these days. The film’s outlook should be bleak, almost nihlistic, as it tells the story of a disillusioned man left to spend his Saturday mornings with a bunch of narcissistic little ingrates spouting pseudo-profoundities and prone to incomprehensible fits of joyless dancing.

The film will be called Shut Up, All of You: The Principal Vernon Story, and it will release on Memorial Day 2009. See you there!

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17 Responses to Kids These Days…

  1. Barack Obama says:

    Principal Vernon has my vote.

    (smiles, nods approvingly)

  2. Ron Paul says:

    I am the only biblical candidate according to those that endorsed me over at the Webboard.

  3. Throw in a scene where Principal Vernon ogles Anthony Michael Hall as he uses the toilet, and you have a Todd Solondz film.

  4. Wouldn’t it be more ironic to have a character from the original movie play Principal Vernon? Call my people! It’s knuckle-puck time!

  5. Barack Obama says:

    Shut the hell up, Emilio.

  6. peter says:

    Nobody wants you around here, Emilio.

  7. Molly Ringwald says:

    I think everyone should replay their original roles except Principal Vernon should be played by Charlie Sheen.

    Oh the dynamics of it!

  8. Thom says:

    Will there be transforming robots? And explosions? I am so sold on this idea.

  9. Barack Obama says:

    Thom,

    I am forming an exploratory committee to determine whether robots and explosions would make valuable contributions.

    (nods confidently)

  10. Don’t let Barack get to you Emilio. Politicians (wink, wink) don’t understand actors (wink, wink). I think it’s sad that politicians (wink) can’t move past their biases, and their latent animosity toward actors (wink). Barack is of the mentality that actors are simply there to take away jobs from politicians (wink, wink, wink).

    I think you know, Mr. Estevez, that I’m not talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger.

  11. it’s about time a sequel was made! i’ve been needing to reprise a role since The Dead Zone went dead. (pun intended)

  12. With my powers combined with the Clinton Machine, we will bring down the Obama campaign just like we took down Iceland in D2: The Mighty Ducks!

  13. Fabio says:

    Schwarzenegger gets all the publicity. Don’t you know I’m famous too?

    I can’t believe this!

    I can’t believe it’s not butter!

    (Rips out hair)

  14. Paul Reubens says:

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

    He said the magic word! He said the magic word!

    “Butter” Heh heh!

    Can I join your playhouse?

  15. Jesse says:

    I love the editing of the swear words when on T.V. What? You missed it yesterday? DOn’t worry just turn on TBS this weekend. It’ll be on.

    “Flip you!”

    “NO! FLIP YOU!”

  16. Uosdwis R. Jawoh says:

    I have two favorite swear word replacements:
    1. Die Hard – “Yipee-kiyi-yay, Melon Farmer!”
    2. The Big Lebowski – the scene where John Goodman destroys the Camaro with a bat – “See this Larry? This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!”

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