Hello, my friends, and good morning. I come to you with this brief transmission:
Today, March 20th, is the first day of the spring season.
As is the custom, let us hold hands, and encircle one another with dancing and and songs of good cheer. We shall embrace friend and awkward acquaintance alike in a spirit of harmony and drink a bunch of Zima.
What’s that? Keith Marler has predicted a 4-5″ snowfall this very evening? Snowfall on the first day of spring? Why, the very thought of such incongruous weather may cause me to empty my bowels with rage!
Why have you damned us with your snowtime curses, Keith Marler? You are lower than Mussolini’s loin-bather!
Keith Marler, you have betrayed us. You have led us on, like a woman of low moral quality. You kiss us hotly on our necks and then abandon us in our moment of greatest need. You are the Barack Obama of meteorology.
Try as you might, Keith Marler, I won’t fall for your tricks in the future. When you nuzzle your nose against my cheek with your whisperings of warmer weather and sunny afternoons, I will remain dispassionate and aloof. When you run your tongue along the rim of my ear, I will cooly sigh and cross my arms in an exaggerated display of boredom. And when you, Keith Marler, caress my inner thigh with your thick, meaty fingers, I will use the remote to turn on the FOX 9 evening news and note how meteorologist Ian Leonard strikes me as a real weatherman.
It’s over, Keith Marler. You’ve gone too far this time.
Yikes!
Peter with the Marler hat trick!
I think you need to work on setting boundaries with your weather men Peter.
I like to go with what feels right at the moment, Ted.
You’re really into the loin/groin area recently, huh?
The loin/groin area has long been a passion of mine.
Did Bridgette know this when she married you?
No, but she found out pretty quick.
I heard Keith Marler makes his kids drown their own pets to save on veterinary fees.
Good news! Randy Brock of the KTTC Weatherteam here. I do not concur with my esteemed colleagues inaccurate predictions of the forthcoming meterological conditions. I only predicted 3-4″ of snow for last night. In no way could there possibly have been 5″ of snowfall. That is unprofessional and ludicrous and inaccurate and totally insane. Furthermore I win, because I work in Rochester, MN (former #1 City in the country!). Feel my Thunderhead, Keith Marler!
I just sent your last comment to the National Meterological Society’s Codes and Ethics Board. Now who’s unprofessional? Eat my warm front, Randy Brock!
Oh, if it isn’t my old friend (and when I say “friend” I in fact am being facetious) Keith Marler. Looks like you decided to take time away from creating your perfect Mii to actually do something with your life. Well, I have news for you, Mister Marler. Randy Brock and the KTTC Weatherteam can roll with the best of them. I hope you like Damiano’s Pizzas, because you’re getting about 46 of them tonight and they’re all going to be loaded! Bingo! Call a doctor! Gaze upon my weather vane, Keith Marler!
Fortunately for you, I do like pizzas. And I love them with everything on them. I’m going to invite all my friends over and have a pizza party to feast upon your prank. We may even play Apples to Apples. And I am good at Apples to Apples. I am very good. I am also good at renting a large fake bull with a marquee sign on the side for the weekend and placing in front of a certain weatherman’s house with the words, “I will always work in a small market!” It may be your house. It may be someone else’s house. The thing is, you won’t know until it happens. And that my friend is called THE KEITH MARLER FEAR FACTOR! Kneel before my lightning rod, Randy Brock!
We have been monitoring this blog for the better part of two months now and I hasten to tell both of you that you are officially on warning. The National Meterological Society is a brother(and sister)hood. It is not something to be taken lightly. As I am a professional and would never advise for two of my brothers to kiss and make up. I would advice for you to cease and desist, unless you would like to warrant further action on the Board’s part. Have a good weekend. And look out for the cold front coming down from Saskatoon. I understand it something to be reckoned with.
-Charles Engelth
National Meterological Society Board of Codes and Ethics
Randy, I hate that guy. Do you?
I super hate him. He’s a total dweeb. I say we swing by HyVee tonight, pick up a gross of plastic forks and fork his butt!
Way ahead of you, brother. I just called Damiano’s. I hope he likes pineapple and canadian bacon!
And this was the last that was ever heard from Keith Marler and Randy Brock. For this was the day the pair was to learn that not unlike the Wu-Tang Clan, the National Meterological Society’s Board of Codes and Ethics, ain’t nothing to f*** with.
Congratulations to my friend Pete for the funniest, most bizarrely specific string of comments we’ve had around here in a while.
I was hoping that was the real Keith. It was still funny though.
Man…I can’t see anything outside the window…well except a great expanse of white Nothing.
I don’t get it.