A Great New Offer From Chase Bank

Did you know that by signing up for a new Chase Platinum Mastercard, you pay no interest for 15 months? Did you know that (for a limited time) in addition to there being no annual fee, there is also no balance transfer fee?

I know all of these things. How, you might ask, am I aware of these amazing facts?

Because Chase has taken it upon themselves to send me 12 envelopes in the last three months informing me of their wonderful offer!

The actual number of envelopes received in 2008 is probably closer to 16 or 17, but it took a while for my annoyance to churn over into curiosity as to how many I could collect while they keep showing up once a week. Well, by the twelfth week of collecting, my bemused curiosity has transformed back to a hearty, old-fashioned rage against the corporate machine. What in the hell is going on here? How can I stop this wasteful insanity?

At the very least, when they send me new offers, could they have the courtesy to add, “In case you haven’t gotten our last 11 offers that we dutifully sent out once a week…”

What do I do with all this junk mail? It seems anti-climactic to just toss them in the garbage. Do I mail them back to Chase? Should I construct an elaborate fort with them in our sunroom? Do I use them as kindling to set my neighbor’s garage on fire? Seriously you guys, I need some direction here.

Anyway, long story short, I got Bridgette and I three new credit cards.

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7 Responses to A Great New Offer From Chase Bank

  1. Roger says:

    I have all those, too, along with a few others from other companies. I’ll keep checking back in for good ideas on what to do with them.

  2. Unspar says:

    I know people who use the enclosed return envelope to send back the letters, or the shredded remains of the letters, but I think it’s time to get a little more creative. Praise God that those return envelopes are all prepaid.

    -Have your students write letters to fake pen pals in foreign countries, and send those letters to Chase. Better yet, have your students write letters to historical figures and send those. They’ll think you’re NUTS.
    -Send them chess moves, perhaps with some baiting and trash talk, like you’re engaged in some long-distance chess game.
    -Send a few raisins, or some orange skin.
    -Send a ransom note and a picture of a stranger tied up in your basement.

    I’m sure I’ll be pretty bored today, so I might stop back with some more suggestions.

  3. scott says:

    good call on using the prepaid envelopes to send them stuff. i usually just tear up the entire letter and throw it away, but now i’m brainstorming.

    i actually signed up for opting out of all that stuff, but i STILL get credit card or loan offers from Chase. the bastards!

  4. Guy Incognito says:

    If you want to see yourself on the national news, sprinkle a little baby powder in the envelopes and send them back.

  5. tim hopps says:

    wallpaper your bathroom with them. what a statement that would make! ooh ooh… an even better idea! tape them together end-to- end, roll them onto an empty toilet paper roll and, well… you know.

  6. Thom says:

    My mom opens them, throw some advertisements in and seals the envelope and then writes “return to sender” on them. My mom has a lot of time on her hands.

  7. Ted says:

    I think Ben has the right idea here. I think you should send them a recipe for Strawberry short cake with each step and ingredient in a different envelop and the last one should say if they can repeat the recipe to you then you will get a credit card from them.

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