My Retirement

Today, I’d like to announce my retirement from blogging.

It’s been a great four-and-a-half years for the John Larroquette Project. I’ve lived for the challenge of getting up in the morning and coming up with an idea to write about. The creative writing process is one that I’ve always found rewarding. I can honestly say that I’ve loved every minute of it.

Unfortunately, as I sit here this morning, I’ve come to the realization that while I know I still can blog, I just don’t have the desire to anymore. I’m just burnt out. While I know I’ll miss the daily challenge, I won’t miss those mornings where I’m going through the motions, or the feeling of posting drivel just because I spent 20 minutes writing it. I’m just going to take some time off, and spend more quality time with my wife or with a good book.

It’s been fun, and thanks for reading.

You know what? I’ve changed my mind. I’m not retiring. I want to come back.

You see, I didn’t really want to retire in the first place. Adam pressured me into it. If you go back and re-read my retirement address, you’ll see that every word of it was honest, except for the parts that Adam forced me into.

What’s that? You’ve already moved on? First of all, that seems improbable, given that I retired only a few moments ago. Secondly, who are you going to replace me with? Ben? Ben’s a nice guy and all, but he’s not ready for prime-time – he still needs more seasoning and tutelage under the master (i.e. me).

Let me put it to you this way, who gives the John Larroquette Project the best chance to succeed on a daily basis? Me, right? So let me back. If you won’t let me back, I demand that you release me from any affiliation with the John Larroquette Project, and let me blog elsewhere. As a matter of fact, I’ve been having a few behind-the-scenes conversations with Kevin’s blog, and they seem very interested in bringing me on board.

What do you mean, “blog tampering”? I’ve never heard of such a thing.

Look, I don’t want to get into some bitter squabble with all of you. All I ask is that you allow me to retire and unretire in peace, and bend over backwards to meet my increasingly fickle demands.

I just wish all of you hadn’t put me in this position.

This entry was posted in Best of the JLP, Meh. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to My Retirement

  1. tim hopps says:

    absolutely brilliant!


    unfortunately, people who aren’t familiar with the Favre story won’t get it. then again, i’m sure on any given day there are several folks who don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.

    this may be my new favorite, although “Pepsi Meltdown” will always hold a place in my heart.

  2. Unspar says:

    I basically steal all your ideas anyway, so I don’t think anybody would notice the change. Sure, I’d have to wear a fake beard, but I always wanted to be a fake beard.

  3. Jeff H says:

    You can come back and blog in the town where you wasted away the days of your youth when you first started blogging and going to parties where you would blow .12 on the breathalyzer. We’ll gladly take you back. With open arms.

    Atlanta welcomes you. C’mon. Give us a hug.

  4. Bett Farve is the best quarterback ever. He could blog better than you; he could blog better than any of you. You wanna know who wrote the funniest post in the world? That’s right. Bett Farve.

    Bett Farve once came and visited me when I was in my home. He made me oatmeal cookies. No one can take them away from me. What is Kevin’s problem? I hate Ben. Give me back my cookies Peter. Otherwise I’m telling Bett Farve.

  5. Peter, if you are released from your commitment to the JLP, come straight to my office and you’ll be blogging for us before the ink on the deal is dry. To hell with Tavaris Jackson.

  6. Screw you, Welle! I have you under contract!!!

  7. tim hopps says:

    what i want to know is this: how come when there are comments already posted on here, sometimes on the main body of the blog it still says “comments – 0″? i’m guessing peter has to change it as the comments come in? well, it’s not always accurate and to me, that is sloppy blogging ethic. perhaps the “fire of desire” is dying… or perhaps the physical skills just aren’t there anymore. maybe, just maybe, it IS time to retire…

  8. Guy Incognito says:

    Tim, that’s not an “o”, those are parentheses. The number of comments is between them.
    Maybe it’s time for a stronger prescription… glasses or otherwise. :)

  9. Kevin S. says:

    This blog is turning into The Sneeze.

  10. scott says:

    i find it sneaky that a couple of years ago, Adam had to convince you to come back, because he was replacing your theme, and figured no one would be able to make the theme look good except for you. now, Adam wants to replace you, so he forced you out. of course you’re not through, because you write lesson plans for reckless teens in your off time, and think you still have something left to give. is it to Kevin? it’s only natural, he’s talented, but not on the level of you, and he’s in the same geographical area. Adam hates that idea though, and will stop at nothing to keep you from fulfilling your destiny.


  11. Roger says:

    No comment. Geof Morris handles these situations.

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