Yesterday was occasioned by a visit from my steadfast brother Patrick, back from fighting forest fires near Big Sur, California. Needless to say, his heroism makes George Washington look like a swarthy, acne-ridden Spaniard in comparison.

Here are several photographs he shared with me. I will now show them to you, using the internet.

This is fire, one of the most powerful elements in the natural universe. Terrorizing wildlife, and destroying habitats, fire has long been used by man to establish his just dominion over the earth. Also, fire is hot and makes things smaller and black. At any rate, my point is that this fire is George Bush’s fault.

Here is Patrick, after having faced the terrible menace of fire. Note the sturdy courage in his eyes and the soiled qualities of his undershirt. Behind him lies a path cleared out of the brush, as well as another man, believed to be actor Tom Berenger.

The brush in question was anywhere from 8 to 15 feet high, and teeming with poison oak. As a result, Patrick, along with all the other members of his crew were covered with red rashes and sores that were irritated by the heavy duty clothing and heat. On the other hand, my job involves occasional meetings that run long, so we’re both no stranger to hardship.

In the midst of working 18 consecutive 16-hour days, moments of rest were cherished by Patrick’s crew. He can be seen in the foreground, the back of his shirt blackened with sweaty iniquity, while two of his comrades relax in bizarrely identical repose.

Fine work, Patrick. I’m proud of you, mostly!

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7 Responses to FIRE!

  1. tim hopps says:

    “on the other hand, my job involves occasional meetings that run long, so we’re both no stranger to hardship.”

    i love you, peter.

  2. Kevin S. says:

    Being a firefighter is the best of both worlds. You don’t have to work with women, but women are attracted to you.

  3. Bett Farve is a firefighter.

  4. Jon D says:


    I don’t know if you heard it yesterday, but Carl Gerbschmidt turned his back on Brett Favre. Go to KFAN.COM and you should be able to hear the clip; it is hilarious.

  5. scott says:

    well, at least your brother has a cool (ironic?) job.

  6. Thom says:

    Peter…please leave your awful political commentary out of these tragedies. To begin with, George Bush is far to incompetent to start this fire. I am sure Dobson is behind it. We all know Evangelicals hate liberal Hollywood with a passion and would happily burn the entire state of CA to the ground and kill every citizen to get rid of Hollywood…and they would think they were doing God’s will too.

  7. thank you, kevin, for pinpointing the greatest and perhaps only advantage of my profession. all my previous attempts to elucidate the subtleties of the firefighting arrangement have been met with disgust and sexual harassment suits.

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