My Cabin Post for 2008

On this dark and stormy morn I am refreshed at the thought of the weekend that lies before me – yet another strange and mysterious visit to my grandparents’ cabin. Long the site of many of my life’s most cherished secrets and depraved straddlings, this cabin is a mighty monument to the innocence I lost so long ago.

Not as cool as it looks.

Travelling with a few ill-chosen companions, my wife and I will make my way down the wandering road of despair to the cabin on Saturday morning and return at some point on Monday. It is sure to be an unpleasant, dispiriting weekend riddled with awkward pauses and remorseful silences. It will be like listening to the live studio audience during a taping of “Just Shoot Me”.

Once there, our time will be filled with frolicking in a filthy lake ringed with dead fish, throwing darts at an obnoxiously verbose electronic dartboard, and sucking on limes to stave off scurvy. Also, we will consume approximately 9,000 calories per day. There is literally nothing good that can come out of this.

If you could, please refrain from telling the three teens wearing oversized white t-shirts and black do-rags who wander through our neighborhood with a basketball shouting at passing females of our weekend absence. They might get the wrong idea and decide to rape our cats or something.

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8 Responses to My Cabin Post for 2008

  1. Thom says:

    I will sit on your front steps with a shotgun. Wearing a ninja mask.

  2. scott says:

    good luck against Elklor this year!

    (also, bring plenty of Strohs!)

  3. Sarah says:

    How ironic I was just thinking of Elklor this week.

    You may not see him this weekend though. He’d rather hang out in Hibbing for the fair at the Iron Works.

    He also recently had his antlers recently stell tipped for greater dominance over the herd, and man.

  4. Sarah says:

    Sorry that should be STEEL tipped.

  5. tim hopps says:

    hey, this will be a good test for your new security system. you should also leave this on the outgoing message for your home phone: “sorry, we’re gone for the weekend and there are lots of valuables and plenty of cash in the house.”

  6. Sarah says:

    When did you install Tim Hopps as your security system? :)

  7. Kevin S. says:

    “It will be like listening to the live studio audience during a taping of “Just Shoot Me”.

    Dennis: Will you sharpen my pencil.

    Nina: Oh, I’ll sharpen your pencil!

    Audience: BOOOOOMMMM!!!

    George: Why doesn’t everyone just calm down?

    Maya: George, you’re not wearing pants.

    Dennis: And you still have a secretary stuck to you.

    Nina: Oh, I’LL stick to you.

    Audience: ….

    Bouncer: Laugh, you bastards!!!!

    Audience: AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

  8. ted says:

    Maybe someone will break into your house and steal your collection of amazing lake related pictures.

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