The Phelpschild!

America loves Michael Phelps!

He won 8 gold medals! He won his races by a combined 1/100th of a second! He has nearly exposed his pubic region to millions of adoring viewers on multiple occasions!

And now, he must marry Sasha Cohen.

She's neat!

Think of the greater good that would be brought unto the greater number of people by their gloriously unholy union. Those two could swim, skate, dance, and crabwalk circles around the rest of us while we would lift up their names in song and kneel before their graven images.

Think of how many Americans would pay premium money for a pay-per-view event televising a night of their precise, patriotic procreation! Their union would be the marital incarnation of America’s manifest destiny, and the world would bow in subjugation!

Barack Obama, let’s make this happen!

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5 Responses to The Phelpschild!

  1. Thom says:

    It is amazing and god-like how the water appears to just boil and churn about him like that.

  2. Roger says:

    He is, indeed, a modern day Poseidon.

  3. Kevin s. says:

    If they have a baby, it is quite possible that it could literally walk on water.

    That said, do you think he digs, you know, um, figure skaters?

  4. Guy Incognito says:

    What happened to Sasha Cohen? I haven’t seen her in the olympics at all this year. She must not have made the team. ;)

  5. skatinglooove says:

    olimpics are in 2010, and she’s gonna compete. She sure makes the team she is the best out there. Its winter olympics (they are in different years than the summer ones)..
    she skates incredible.. i wanna skate like her someday..

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