As a second vehicle, Bridgette and I own a 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee. It is bright red, with leather seats and a sunroof, and it literally gets about 4 miles a gallon. The A/C is broken and the transmission is going. As a result, we only drive it when absolutely necessary, preferring instead to take our carpooling efforts to an illogical extreme.
These circumstances led us to make the decision to sell the Jeep on the cheap (that rhymes!) and save up money over our summer to rectify the situation. This weekend, I made good on that promise, and fulfilled the promises made by our Founding Fathers in Philadelphia all those years ago.
How? By purchasing a Hyundai.
The car is a sturdy vehicle, as beautiful as Aphrodite’s milky white thighs. It features include cruise control, air conditioning, and a functioning steering wheel. It can comfortably seat a pony while also hiding my sadness from the world.
The man who sold it to us offered to install a second windshield and a SONAR system for just $5,000 extra. As this was a reasonable offer, I immediately took him up on it despite the vehement protestations from my wife. (As you know, women are bad negotiators.) Now I will be able to detect enemy submarines at a distance of 10 nautical miles while enjoying the Hyundai’s reputation as a reliable, sensibly-priced alternative to the Toyota Camry.
I have no regrets.
Hey, I have a Hyundai too! We should introduce our cars to each other and see if they hit it off.
“Milky white thighs?” You are so racist.
Why is Bridgette sitting next to it, rather than in it?
Is she not allowed to touch it? You made her walk home, didn’t you?
when i was a car salesman at Chrysler Corner, we offered the Northwoods Protection Package (undercoating, paint sealant and fabric protector) for just $900 extra. when someone would say no to it (which everyone did) we would tell them, “oh, it’s already been applied to this vehicle” (usually it hadn’t, and even if it had, it was just a quick spray on the underside of some rust inhibitor, a coat of wax on the finish, and a quick spray from a can of 3M StainMaster on the seats). it was basically just a way to have more room to negotiate. there’s an art to making them think they got a good deal while ripping their heads off (that’s car salesman lingo). i thought i had reached my all-time low… then i became a bill collector.
oooh, i bet the Camry’s feelings are hurt for getting it’s reasonably priced adversary. like the political tensions between Korea and Japan are waged in the Orient, so shall your cars now fight for your affections.
You don’t park that in the garage with the Toyota do you? You will open the garage door some morning and find a sprawling mess of metal, oil and plug wires.
Tim Hopps,
That reminds me of when I was little and used to ask my mothers friends if they would like to have a girlscout cookie. Then I would cry and say I had to open a new box to give them one and ask them to pay for it.
I should be a used car salesman.
(I did get a badge for selling most cookies)
I have a Kia. That makes us like cousins.
Why did you move so far away? I never get to see you anymore, cuz.
What?! No laser cannon on the hood?! You were totally ripped off.