Look, what an adorable puppy!
His eyes sparkle with mischief and his fur is as white as a divorcee’s wedding dress! He has made my dreams come true!
Come here, puppy. I will name you Marigold, and you will live with me forever in my dragonfly palace (i.e. single-bedroom apartment).
Oh Marigold, your whimpers and squeaks lift my spirits and tickle my emotions! You are the yin to Bill Maher’s yang!
Never leave me, Marigold! If a Ford F-150 were to ever crush your skull into the pavement, I would blow up said Ford with a car bomb faster than you can say, “the surge is working”. The lethal swiftness of my shift from meekly ineffectual puppy-lover to vigilante woodsman would make your head spin. I am literally capable of anything!
I love you, Marigold!