A Puppy Monologue

Look, what an adorable puppy!

His eyes sparkle with mischief and his fur is as white as a divorcee’s wedding dress! He has made my dreams come true!

Come here, puppy. I will name you Marigold, and you will live with me forever in my dragonfly palace (i.e. single-bedroom apartment).

Oh Marigold, your whimpers and squeaks lift my spirits and tickle my emotions! You are the yin to Bill Maher’s yang!

Never leave me, Marigold! If a Ford F-150 were to ever crush your skull into the pavement, I would blow up said Ford with a car bomb faster than you can say, “the surge is working”. The lethal swiftness of my shift from meekly ineffectual puppy-lover to vigilante woodsman would make your head spin. I am literally capable of anything!

I love you, Marigold!

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5 Responses to A Puppy Monologue

  1. Marigold says:

    Go !@#$ yourself.

  2. Roger says:

    I think his eyes are sparkling because he just peed in your homemade gunpowder.

  3. The Cat says:

    “!@#$” means “lick”.

    In case you didn’t know.

  4. tim hopps says:

    wouldn’t you blow up a Ford F-150 with a truck bomb rather than a car bomb? you’d make a lousy terrorist.

  5. Jason says:

    Ha! Very funny.

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