Here’s some important news out of yesterday’s Portage Daily Resister (Wisconsin):
JR Hildebrandt is always looking for ways to raise money for the Tri-City Children’s Dream Foundation, an organization that grants dreams to children with special needs.
His latest venture is to paddle an 800-pound pumpkin down the Wisconsin River. He started his trip Monday and will go through the Portage area this week.
Along the way, Hildebrandt said he hopes people will donate to raise funds for a new project for the foundation. The trip works out to be about 150 miles, which he figures will take about eight days. He has eight stops along the way, and he said he hopes people seeing the pumpkin or hearing about the trip will make donations to the group at each stop.
I’m happy to report that JR Hildebrandt’s heart is in the right place. Having said that, what in the hell is this all about? His plan is to paddle a massive pumpkin 150 miles through rural Wisconsin in hopes of raising awareness and funds for an organization that “grants dreams to children with special needs”? What does that even mean? What sorts of dreams are granted? The sort of twisted, bizarre dreams that might feature imagery like the photo that accompanies this article?
Looking at that photograph again, I also have some questions about JR’s paddling technique. Has he done this before? He looks like a disinterested 7th grade girl at bat in a phy ed softball game.
On the plus side, it’s probably fun to spend eight days reeking of pumpkin and river water.
he would have made more money roasting the seeds from that pumpkin and selling them in little individual packets.
Maybe his childhood dream was to paddle underhanded…
I have some sad news to report. The pumpkin spang a leak and our hero dround in 3 1/4 feet of water.
Anyone that has ever been rafting knows.. the first rule is to always keep a firm grasp on your paddle’s T-grip. His clear violation of this rule can only lead me to believe that he doesn’t care about children at all. His only goal is fulfilling his own sick self absorbed fantasy to paddle a giant pumpkin.
wacko
That guy looks like Kevin Kline. Boy his career must’ve really hit bottom.