Monthly Archives: January 2009

Being a Good Samaritan

Dude, are you all right? You don’t look so good. Your skin is pale and clammy. Seriously dude, you look like Ray Liotta from the last 30 minutes of Goodfellas. Yeah, I know that there’s a bug going around, but … Continue reading

Posted in Ramblings | 6 Comments

Home Depreciation

The city of Minneapolis assessor’s office sent us a friendly note in the mail yesterday. The note had a picture of a sailboat on it! Also, it told us about how our home has dropped in value by nearly 30% … Continue reading

Posted in Best of the JLP, Rants | 12 Comments

Spaniel Bargaining

Listen up, friend. Just for you, I’ve got a clean, late-model cocker spaniel ready to move out for just $1,000. Look, I know times are tough. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that this cocker spaniel … Continue reading

Posted in Meh | 5 Comments

Milk of the Chinee

China has handed down the death penalty to two men who ran workshops responsible for introducing melamine, an industrial chemical, into China’s milk supply (in an attempt to fool government protein tests). Six babies died and hundreds of thousands fell … Continue reading

Posted in Meh | 9 Comments

Significant Developments RE: Lotion

This morning, as I gazed admiringly at my body in our bedroom’s full-length mirror I happened to overhear a commercial for a new Aveeno skin product. Being the rapacious lotion-hound that I am, my ears perked up as I surveyed … Continue reading

Posted in Rants | 2 Comments

Greensleeves

I’m wearing a green sweater today. I’m not sure about this green sweater. I feel like it makes me look like Brett Favre, except taller and less petulant. Why did I put a green sweater on this morning? It was … Continue reading

Posted in Ramblings | 1 Comment