Home Depreciation

The city of Minneapolis assessor’s office sent us a friendly note in the mail yesterday. The note had a picture of a sailboat on it! Also, it told us about how our home has dropped in value by nearly 30% since 2007.

I liked the sailboat part better.

Lots of helpful swear words sprang to mind as I read the letter. As my hands began to tremble and my skin turned purple with rage, it became clear that only one profanity was truly appropriate. Only one word was vile and objectionable enough to the accursed Minneapolis assessor that perhaps his heart might burst open the moment I shouted it.

FARKLE!

Farkle You!

FARKLE is the risk-taking, dice rolling game that in no way resembles YAHTZEE! Dating back to the Renaissance, FARKLE was probably enjoyed by Galileo, and likely inspired his advanced theories on inertia and proof of a heliocentric universe. Shortly afterwards, FARKLE was ruled an abomination against the Blessed Virgin by the Catholic church.

FARKLE is fun for children, too!

Say FARKLE out loud! It will make the rainclouds run for cover and the Home Depreciation Trolls die of dysentery! Their diseased, bloody, mucus-riddled feces will slop down from the treetops in my neighborhood where they live! FARKLE, FARKLE, FARKLE!

Hey, housing market collapse! FARKLE you, right in your FARKLING face!

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12 Responses to Home Depreciation

  1. scott says:

    man, i wish we’d get a letter with a sailboat picture on it. sailboats most often put you at ease….no matter that the local economy is in the tank, observe as this skiff glides across the water.

    the only letter i got from my assessor the past few months is “oh, we jacked up your assessed value $25000 even though you haven’t done anything to your house so we’ll be charging you almost double in taxes. Have a great day!”

    FARKLE!

  2. tim hopps says:

    I got the same letter yesterday, Peter. I was surprised to find out how much my house depreciated as well. (I guess I put that new flapper in my toilet for nothing.) But I’m glad you gave me a good word to holler… FARKLE! …it’s probably better than the ones I used.

  3. kevin s. says:

    Fortunately, the Farkling Minneapolis voters authorized an extra $60,000,000 to subsidize our city’s pitiful excuse for a school district, so this will not impact our property tax rates.

  4. kg says:

    That’s wonderful news, Peter! I’m in the same “boat” as scott with a notice that our house value INCREASED 10,000 in the last year. Ironic noting the massive colapse in housing market. Good to know there are still some overpriced homes to buy in minneapolis.

  5. kevin s. says:

    “I’m in the same “boat” as scott with a notice that our house value INCREASED 10,000 in the last year. ”

    Um, how is this a bad thing?

  6. tim hopps says:

    Kevin S: I think it was a play on words, relating to the sailboat picture that accompanied our letters.

    Obviously, KG and Scott do not live in the same neighborhood as me and Peter and Kevin S.

  7. Ted says:

    I got a letter with a Goat grazing on a hillside. It said my kidney’s black market value has gone down 35%. There goes my retirement plan.

    I also lost something around half of my 401K.

    But the value of Farkle has never been higher!

  8. peter says:

    Ted, do you live in Ukraine?

  9. Ted says:

    “Ted, do you live in Ukraine?”

    Yeah, apparently livers are all the rage, now.

  10. Tami says:

    Yeah, I’ll be getting my depreciation notice soon too! Let me see, my house is 9 blocks south of Peter’s, which makes it basically closer to hell. Good thing I’m not trying to sell right now, oh wait…dang! Is anyone looking to rent a house?

  11. Ed says:

    Hmm…. In St Paul, they keep telling us our home values are increasing… so they can continue to charge us more property tax. Funny thing, the people who charge us property tax are the same ones who determine our home value. Right… No funny business going on there.

  12. Ted says:

    Ed, You’re Property’s value has tripled since your previous comment. We have placed a bill in the mail for you.

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