A Simple Backrub Request

Give me a backrub!

Seriously you guys, my back hurts. On the left side, just underneath my shoulder blade. Get over here and rub it.

Don’t just stand there like a gang of mouth-breathing troglodytes! Roll up your sleeves, dip your fingers and forearms in vaseline, and start rubbling my shirtless, recently shorn back!

Why is the crowd surrounding me dissipating? Is there some part of my instruction that you have failed to understand? Let me be perfectly explicit: take your calloused, thick-knuckled fingers and press them firmly into the muscle structure of my upper back in accordance with my bidding. Probe the soft tissue and await further direction from me. Do not be alarmed by the loud groans of pleasure that result from the ensuing painful, yet ecstatic release.

Well, now everybody’s gone. Looks like I’m going to have to go kill more stray dogs just to feel vivid again…

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5 Responses to A Simple Backrub Request

  1. Tracey says:

    One time my fiancĂ©’s dad was yelling at his kids about one thing or another for quite some time. He finished off the tirade by exclaming, “I am VIVID. Just VIVID right now!”

    The kids smirked slightly to themselves and then a bold one dared venture, “Do you possibly mean “livid,” Dad?”

    Needless to say, the correction didn’t harness the rage.

    The end.

  2. M says:

    Ill do it….Take your pants off….underwear too.

  3. ted says:

    I am beginning to think you don’t know what troglodytes are.

  4. tim hopps says:

    A friend of mine’s dad was once playing a game, and when his team started to win, said “Now we’ve got the pomentum going!” (true)
    So I asked him, “So what is that red thing in an olive? A mimento?” (not true, but I wish I would have thought of it then)

  5. Guy Incognito says:

    My mom was in her mid-20’s when she found out that if something is really dirty it is filthy, not thilthy.

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