Theodore Rex by Edmund Morris

On Saturday night I finished up Theodore Rex by Edmund Morris, a rich narrative of the presidency of Theodore Roosevelt.

The book is excellent, and while it requires a bit of understanding of the period, Morris’s breezy detail paints a vivid picture of TR the man, and the tornado of excitement that defined the presidency of the man his political opponents called “that damned cowboy.”

Here are a few facts that stuck with me from the text:

-One of TR’s cabinet members described him as “pure act”. The sheer vitality of the man was a shocking change from the expected behavior of a proper Victorian gentlemen, like the men who had preceded him in office. A historian described him by saying, “no matter who you were, TR was the most exciting man you’d ever met.” A few actual examples of his incredible physical exuberance:

-He once interrupted a cabinet meeting in order to demonstrate his ability to jump over a chair.
-On May 28th, 1902, he was seen hanging from a cable over the Potomac, presumably in some effort to toughen his wrists.
-France’s ambassador to the U.S. once found Roosevelt in his office, lying on his couch and kicking his feet into the air. TR continued their brief conversation without stopping this bizarre exercise (seriously, this is not a joke).
-A newspaper photographer snapped a couple shots of TR on horseback jumping over obstacles. TR was so “dee-lighted” that he ordered prints for himself, and distributed autographed versions of them to his cabinet.

Regarding this, a British commissioner close to Roosevelt explained to his peers, “you must always remember that the President is about six.”

-TR liked to watch dogs get ready to barf. Once the pitiable beast had vomited up his supper, Roosevelt would flash his teeth and exclaim, “That was bully!”

-Roosevelt was never referred to as “Teddy” to his face. He preferred the nickname “Dutch Apple Pancake Spaceman”.

-TR was one of America’s greatest scholar presidents. He published eighteen books on topics like history, exploration, and ornithology (people noted that one of the only times TR could be caught standing still was when standing under a tree staring up at birds).

-Roosevelt’s mustache tickled when he kissed you on the lips.

-Among Roosevelt’s remarkable list of presidential achievements:

-Turning the plan for the Panama Canal from a lifeless quagmire to a reality.
-Winning the Nobel Peace Prize for deftly negotiating a peace treaty between Japan and Russia.
-A great conservationist, he saved the Grand Canyon from mining companies and created five national parks and eighteen national monuments by executive order in a time when there was no legislative appetite for such action.
-He strengthened America’s global strength, particularly regarding his great passion, the navy. He pushed until the U.S. Navy ranked second in the world only to Great Britain, and sent his “Great White Fleet” on a worldwide tour of goodwill (and in a few cases like Japan, U.S. power).

-TR was a ferocious tennis player, and liked to shout out slogans from the French Revolution when he played (again, not a joke).

-If Roosevelt were alive today, he would be a mid-level software engineer living in Glendale, Arizona.

-TR was a really great husband and father. A happy, jubilant man, he was constantly grabbing and kissing his children, and celebrated over their achievements. As Morris notes, he was dangerous with his fun, delighting in telling harsh, roaring ghost stories; tackling and tickling his kids whenever the mood struck him. His oldest daughter Alice (from his first wife, who died after giving birth) inherited her father’s rebellious independence. When officials or staff would complain to him about Alice’s behavior, he told them, “I can either be president or control Alice, I cannot do both.”

-When TR was a student at Harvard, he was pretty into Dave Matthews Band for a while.

-Liberals sometimes like to claim TR as a socialist, which is a lazy load of crap. Certainly, among his greatest achievements was reaching a détente in America’s long-simmering labor unrest, and strengthening government’s ability to break up trusts that failed to serve the public interest. Ever the moderate, however, TR had no quarrel with trusts that operated fairly and effectively.

-While summering in his Long Island home, Roosevelt invented Dentyne Ice.

-Toward the end of his second term, TR showed signs of strain as his impetuousness and quarrelousness with Congress started to become exaggerated. Despite this, he would certainly have been elected overwhelmingly in 1908 to a third term had he chosen to run. Roosevelt though, insisted on keeping pledge not to run in 1908 that he made in the throes of his 1904 victory.

-Roosevelt enjoyed chasing squirrels across the White House grounds (the fluffier the tail, the better). When he caught them, he would snap their neck with his bare hands and eat them raw as horrified congressional leaders looked on.

-TR’s diet consisted mostly of raw squirrels and frosting.

-TR was the first truly modern president. He summoned more executive power than any president since Lincoln by using his remarkable personality and popularity with the masses to set an ambitious agenda for the legislature. Preceding presidents (as well as his successor, Fat Bill Taft) let Congress take the lead and took business as it crossed their desk. The presidencies of FDR, LBJ, Reagan, and Bush are unimaginable without TR’s lead.

-TR was, in all ways, a Chipotle burrito in human form.