So wait a minute, when did we miss out on this year’s Girl Scout cookies?
We went down to my parents’ place this weekend. As usual, I walked in the door, kicked my dirty shoes onto the carpet, and made my way straight to the pantry. There I was greeted with a nearly-empty sleeve of sweet, sweet Thin Mints. It was all that was left of a once-bountiful treasure trove of calorie-laden delights. I ate the remaining Thin Mints with a sullen detachment, chasing them down with expired milk, just to spite myself.
How could we have missed out? Every other year, I hunt down Girl Scouts like a wolf tracks the pure, precious bunny. Like the wolf, I bide my time, locate my prey, and move in. Unlike the wolf, I then conduct a pleasant business transaction with the beast in question, rather than ripping its ribs apart and feeding upon its still-steaming heart.
This year, I apparently must have sat around with my thumb up my ass all January, because I completely missed out. Now I have to sit and watch the rest of you chew on your golden Samoas and exquisite Tagalongs while I sit here sucking on a flaccid celery stick like some retarded monkey-ape.
On the plus side, if I press hard on my eyelids, I see a pretty cool star pattern.
Rest easy, my dear compatriot. I got a Girl Scout Cookie “last call” of sorts via email yesterday from one of the precious bunny-beasts. If you’re serious, I can place an order for you. I got people.
I had to doggedly chase down some Girl Scouts, costing me much time, effort, and prestige in the eyes of my fellow man. I even has a Facebook status begging someone to sell me cookies.
In the end, I never did see a single Girl Scout. My wife and mom did for me, though. What’s the price of a little pride, to be able to munch contentedly on cookies potentially filled with salmonella and insect parts?
Go to any Cub foods or Walmart and there are little girl scouts selling them outside.
New Brighton Walmart has an exceptionally strong infestation.
Thin mints go great with milk, while you sit alone in your room hating your stepmother.
…. bitch
I have 2 unopened boxes of thin mints on my desk at work…