Tyler’s Seed

168 years ago, in this, the most glorious republic above sea level, John Tyler ascended to the presidential throne upon the untimely passing of our most beloved Whig president, William Henry Harrison. Tyler became the first man to become president in such a manner, and his three-year tenure was undermined by congressional Whigs referring to him as “His Accidency”.

Why am I bothering you with this? Surely I must be aware that in such difficult financial and political times, historical precedent and knowledge must be jettisoned in favor of haste and heedlessness. Well, my friends, I can assure you that you will hear no breakdown of Tyler’s obstinate Jacksonian policies from myself on this chilled morning. I’m not even going to comment on that bizarre necktie that Tyler selected for himself on the day he was to sit for a daguerreotype.

No, I’m bringing up the Tyler presidency in order to let you know that TWO of Tyler’s grandsons are still alive. Think about that for a moment. John Tyler was president of the United States when Abraham Lincoln was my age. What sort of prodigious siring is going on here that would allow his grandsons to be wandering around the world of 2009, sucking down Red Bulls, playing their PSPs, and high-fiving Latino gangsters? That’s absolutely astonishing to me.

Oh man, look at this hilarious political cartoon I found of John Tyler!

BOOM! Look at that, Henry Clay is trying to get in the door, but Tyler ain’t lettin’ him! Andrew Jackson’s there too! That’s a hoot! I wish we could modernize this thing and have ol’ Marmaduke in there, gnawing on a hunk of tariff legislation! If I saw that, I would slap my knee with delight!

Seriously though, you guys, John Tyler was the greatest.