Guys, I have a question for you, but I want you to be honest.
Does this soaking wet t-shirt make me look fat?
When I was getting dressed this morning, I threw on one of my favorite old white t-shirts and a pair of cutoff jean shorts (sometimes I just open my dresser and follow my heart).
Now, this particular t-shirt has been washed many dozens of times by now, so it has become very thin and soft. It’s like a comfortable, even whiter skin. Unfortunately for me, the moment I stepped out of my car I was blasted by cold, pressurized water across every inch of my craven body. A nearby fire hydrant had malfunctioned, and now I was a sopping wet, dripping mess.
It looks as though my t-shirt has become see-through. My plump, milky-white belly is exposed for all to see. I suppose there’s a chance that this somehow looks cool and intentional, but it seems more likely that I’m a revolting pig right now. This is all just so unfortunate. I was having a good day in my favorite t-shirt until this happened.
I’m just going to peel this sopping wet t-shirt off my chest, since it isn’t covering anything anyway. This way, my moist, glistening skin can dry off in the sun.
I’m going to swing by an Old Navy and see if they have any cheap shirts on clearance I could wear today. Maybe something with a sailboat on it. I’ll see you guys later.