Monthly Archives: April 2009

My Brother Was Wearing Flip-Flops

Look at this. It’s a 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee. The finest vehicle in Christendom. Why am I showing you this? Well, because yesterday, I had to push one of these sons of bitches the length of a city block by … Continue reading

Posted in Rants | 6 Comments

250 Words on Gum

Man, this gum sucks. In case you hadn’t guessed, I’m chewing gum right now. I think it used to be watermelon-flavored, but it don’t taste like watermelon no more. Now it’s all bitter, like making out with a propane hose. … Continue reading

Posted in Ramblings | 1 Comment

The Escape!

Hot off our atrophied editing computer, here is a new Rock TV, squeezed fresh for you! In the writing stage, we saw this as a chance to have some fun with stuff going on in the culture of the Rock, … Continue reading

Posted in Rock TV | 7 Comments

Going Goiter

Welcome back, Jeffrey and others! Today, the JLP salutes goiters! Goiters, otherwise known as a massive, disgusting enlargement of the thyroid gland, have long been a source of horror and amusement to all non-goiter sufferers. Thick and lumpy, goiters make … Continue reading

Posted in Best of the JLP, Raves | 1 Comment

I Wore My Coat With Golden Lining

Anybody know where I can get a big old fur coat? Hey, I know it’s late April. I know the weather’s looking up. I know that fur coats have fallen out of fashion somewhat. Frankly, I don’t care. I think … Continue reading

Posted in Ramblings | 3 Comments

The Splendid Day

Psssst! You guys know what day it is? It’s April 20th. 4/20. Now I, being a loyal and patriotic American (bald eagle underwear) desire to celebrate our nation’s holidays just as vociferously as the next man. However, since I am … Continue reading

Posted in Meh | 4 Comments