I Wore My Coat With Golden Lining

Anybody know where I can get a big old fur coat?

Me, tomorrow.

Hey, I know it’s late April. I know the weather’s looking up. I know that fur coats have fallen out of fashion somewhat. Frankly, I don’t care.

I think fur coats look awesome. A thick, luscious fur coat would make me so cool. I’d be like Fonzie, only not the Fonzie you know and love – I’d be like Fonzie as played by Johnny Depp in the upcoming Fonzie biopic entitled Fonzie: America’s Shame, to be directed by Todd Solondz.

One of the great things about fur coats is how special it feels against your skin. You ever worn a full-length fur coat without anything on underneath? It feels like a wedding night with the angels.

You ever seen a man walking down the street in a full-length fur coat? Looks great, right? If I got a fur coat, I’d look like North Minneapolis’s version of King Louis XIV. People would nod their heads to me and I would look them in directly in the eye and lick my lips aggressively. They would then continue on in startled silence. My fur coat would look sweet.

In summation, I’m in the market for a good fur coat bargain, and Johnny Depp has the inside track for the Best Actor Oscar in 2010.

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3 Responses to I Wore My Coat With Golden Lining

  1. kevin s. says:

    Casting Javier Bardem is Ralph Malph seems a bit of a stretch, and I’m not sure audiences will buy Joanie as a dominatrix.

  2. ted says:

    I always thought you wore one when you went swimming. Huh.

  3. Thom says:

    It’s pretty easy to get a jacket like that. First, kill a yeti. Then skin it. Viola! Fur coat!

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