Welcome back, Jeffrey and others! Today, the JLP salutes goiters!
Goiters, otherwise known as a massive, disgusting enlargement of the thyroid gland, have long been a source of horror and amusement to all non-goiter sufferers. Thick and lumpy, goiters make it look as though the afflicted got drunk and decided to swallow a softball or two. In fact, this is not what causes goiter. According to the Mayo Clinic, goiter is most often caused by an iodine deficiency or Grave’s Disease. I will simply disregard this information and continue to believe my softball-swallowing theory.
In the 1890s, goiters were often lanced and re-sold as squeezable stress balls. That is an indisputable fact.
Check out this gentleman:
Man, that guy’s got beoucoups goiters! I bet he’s playing a song he wrote called “Neckties Don’t Fit Me No More”. I note with some suprise the fact that he is married. His wife must be a special gal if she’s able to look past his appearance. Compared to this softball-swallowing bastard, George Lucas’s neck actually looks human. You know how it goes though – guys who play guitar get all the chicks.
Stay tuned tomorrow for another installment of the JLP’s Humorous Disease Week!
GROSS! I had just sat down with a peanut-buttered bagel, flipped to your site and had to look at that. Thankfully, the last paragraph was award-winningly hilarious and the tickling of my funny bone overrode my gag reflex.