250 Words on Gum

Man, this gum sucks.

In case you hadn’t guessed, I’m chewing gum right now. I think it used to be watermelon-flavored, but it don’t taste like watermelon no more. Now it’s all bitter, like making out with a propane hose.

I don’t know what happened, a few minutes ago, I was chomping on some sweet watermelon gum. Life was great, and my shame was momentarily gone. Suddenly the fountain of succulent watermelon essences ran dry, and my gum became a acrid, chalky reminder of America’s 19th century Indian atrocities.

Seriously, this gum tastes like the tears of an elderly Choctaw warrior.

Well, there’s nothing I can do about it anymore. I’ll just keep on chewing this awful gum for a while. Maybe it’ll eventually come back around to tasting like watermelon if I chew it hard enough. I figure it’d be worthwhile for me to stop what I’m otherwise doing for the next couple hours and just focus on my chewing. It’ll be sort of a meditative, zen-like exercise, in that it is both long and pointless.

What’s that you say? This isn’t gum I’m chewing? It’s actually a folded-up piece of red construction paper? Well, I suppose that explains its lack of bounce and resiliency I had begun to note.

Well now I just feel foolish. I’d be much obliged if you’d refrain from telling others about my blog until this one is safely hidden in the archives. I’d like to avoid any unecessary embarassment, if at all possible.

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One Response to 250 Words on Gum

  1. kevin s. says:

    Hubba Bubba, now infused with the souls of the ancients!

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