Hey, what’s up with the ancient Olmecs of Central America?
Why’d they leave behind a landscape littered with mysterious colossal heads? Why did they flourish for a thousand years until 400 BC? Why didn’t they invent the wheel? Everything just seems so confusing!
All these questions and more will be answered unto you if you subscribe to Uncle Pete’s Summertime History Sass – a new educational program that helps “fill in the gaps” left behind by most public school systems. Here’s how it works:
1) Next time you see me, give me $600 cash.
2) I will answer three (and only three) questions about the ancient Olmecs.
3) I will slap you on the back and jostle you good-naturedly.
4) OPTIONAL: Go back to number 1 and start again.
Sounds great, doesn’t it? What’s more, if you approach me in the next 24 hours, I will tell you about the ritualistic bloodletting practices of the Olmecs for no additional fee! That’s a $400 value, free to you if you find me before 8am tomorrow! You won’t find that in home school!
Approach me today! I’ll be hanging out near the dumpster behind the Wendy’s on Lowry Avenue!
P.S. I am on crack.