Hey gang, guess what day it is? It’s the first day of school, 2009-style!
Let us frolic and twist and run rings round the mirthberry bush!
Take my hand as we leap through the fairydust sprinkles into the pond of spaniel dreams!
Let’s close our eyes and hold our breath under the strawberry-scented waters and imagine the sweet ecstacy it would be to have New York Times columnist and Nobel Prize winner Paul Krugman rub his fuzzy, elitist beard across our pure, snow-white bellies while George Will looks on in envy!
School is where we find our friends and where we feast on the Food of Sorrows! School is where we grade papers and grope cherubs! Most importantly, school is where I have to tuck in my shirt!
Abraham Lincoln never went to school!