On Chicken

Have you guys ever had chicken before?

I just had some chicken. It’s good! It’s not salty like pork or dry like cat food.

The chicken I had was special. It was processed and wadded and glazed with honey barbeque sauce and various artificial preservatives. Each meaty chickenwad was tender and benign, like former president Gerald Ford.

Flavored meat orbs.

I recommend these honey barbeque processed chickenwads to all of you. They tickled my taste buds, groped my uvula, and made unwelcomed sexual remarks to my small intestine. That’s chicken for you, though. Chicken shoots first and gets dipped in honey mustard later.

I think someone should make a new breakfast cereal with big old chunks of chicken in it. I’m no marketing genius, but it seems to me you get some crispy flakes, toss in some chicken hunks, and slap a picture of a cartoon Spaniard on the box and you’ve got yourself a million dollar idea. You can thank me later.

Chicken – it’s not just for people from Central America anymore!

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8 Responses to On Chicken

  1. Guy Incognito says:

    Frosted pollo flakes!
    Theeeeyyyy’rrree delicioso!

  2. kevin s. says:

    Hey Peter. Off topic, but have you tried burgers? I had one the other day, and I was pretty impressed. They have them at Perkins.

  3. peter says:

    Perkins is great. They’re the only place that offers the syrup varieties I so beligerantly demand.

  4. mustard seed says:

    Those look like Wendy’s nuggets to me, and believe me, I recognize my processed food.

  5. Guy Incognito says:

    Well, they certainly aren’t McDonald’s, because none of them are shaped like a boot.

  6. Sarah says:

    Guy, my thoughts exactly. I think of them as Christmas stockings.

  7. Jimmy Carter says:

    this post was racist!

  8. Thom says:

    It was elitist, Jimmy. Not racist.

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