Join with me as I carve a runestone that my name might last to eternity!
I have obtained this half-ton stone of the finest obsidian – it shall serve as a permanent testament to my strength and valor. My name will be written on the halls of the aeons! In cursive!
Come, my feral swine. Carve for me!
On this, the 11th day of the 11th month of the 9th year after the Culver’s was established on Silver Lake Road in New Brighton, MN bringing with it frozen custard of the finest varieties, I, Peter Welle erected this stone to commemmorate my own existence. I am a lone, towering man staring into an uncertain future. My face has been windburned by woe and the gusting gales of grief. My inner thighs are pockmarked with pudency. Yet I remain, a stalwart, elemental force against the iniquity of the world.
Lo, to all you who read these words, be warned: somewhere, in some eternal, ethereal form, I am watching you as you go to the bathroom…