In lieu of actual original content, today I am proud to offer you, my supple readers, lively images of my seven week old son positioned hilariously alongside my pithy commentary. Other blogs might charge as much as $99 such material, but the JLP is pleased to offer it to you free of charge!
The only thing we ask is that you pledge your eternal allegiance to me and never visit another blog again.
This is a photograph we took on a recent holiday of some repute. I can’t recall the name of this particular occasion, but it was something to do with bite-sized Milky Ways and Lucifer.
In this image, Oliver smiles at his mother. In our case, I happen to be married to his mother. It’s a tangled, byzantine web that I would explain if I had more time. The modern world is crazy!
Here, the man-child is positioned in a Baby Bjorn Swaddlemaster 5000. You will also note that the brown Baby Bjorn matches his brown shirt and brown hair and my wife’s browness. “Brown” is a funny word to repeat over and over again out like, much like the word “moist”. Be advised, however, that putting those two words together with swear words is enough to get you politely kicked out of a dinner party with your wife’s friends from college.
Here, the boy is strapped to me, like a stray cat caught in a thresher.
This is a video of Oliver smiling as he is tickled and tossed about. I’m sure some politically correct college professor somewhere is droning on about why it’s wrong to shake babies, but around our house we just do what feels good.
We all knew it would happen. JLP is turning into a baby blog
nice pictures. I like the pose in the first picture, Oliver looks to be contemplating the shady beginnings of WWI. I have always wondered how the Baby Bjorn would look on a non European male model. Not that you could not be a European male model some day if you so chose….well, you know what i mean. now where’s the video of you being tickled? I blame Brett Favre.
Having Brett Favre tickle me with his grey stubble would be the ultimate exercise in cognitive dissonance.
It’s a subtle trap, Sarah. When we least expect it, he will flip a scary switch and make the blog more disturbing than ever before. At which point, Oliver’s scheme of revenge against the world that wronged him in a previous life will indeed be complete.
By the way…Is Oliver talking yet?
This blog was posted 3 days ago. The beginning of one life (Oliver’s) has hastened the end of another (the JLP’s). I’m sad, sad, sad. We’ll have to cancel Christmas.
I eagerly await your post today because as we all know, Ivan the Terrible was crowned grand prince of Moscow on this day in 1533. Looking forward to your insight.
Whenever I’ve seen this “baby” he’s attached to the front of you…is he actually the symbiotic conjoined twin that you’ve been hiding in the dark closet for years?