Whose groin do I have to punch to get a Wendy’s Double Stack around here?
I know that it’s 8am, and I know there’s a snowstorm outside, but I’m about to start snapping some femurs if I don’t see a hot Wendy’s Double Stack in front of me pretty soon. I’m serious. In fact, I am totally psychotic about this.
Look, I’m a simple man. I like my pickles spicy and my tickles rough. Is it too much to ask for a delicious, mouth-watering Wendy’s Double Stack every Tuesday before school? Am I the crazy one here?
Here’s the thing about Wendy’s Double Stacks, they’re only 99 cents and they taste like a father’s love. There is nothing better than a Wendy’s Double Stack in the natural world, and that includes Dairy Queen Blizzards and the Grand Canyon.
Let’s bring it back home. If I’m not grinding a Wendy’s Double Stack into my face in the next ten minutes, I’m going to introduce my lead pipe to some skulls. It’s about to get depraved around here.
You know where to find me. As usual, I’ll be spitting obscenities in the third stall of the middle school boy’s bathroom. Be sure to announce yourself before you enter, or you’re likely to end up getting slowly strangled to death.
I love you and only you, Wendy’s Double Stack.
Woah, hold on here. The Wendy’s Double Stack is MY love. Keep your filthy hands off. Go gnaw on a Whopper Jr. you homewrecker!
Wendy’s Double Stack loves me more than you, and always has!
Fine. The Spicy Chicken sandwich has been looking pretty hot lately anyway. To Taco Hell with you both.
Maybe we could go on a double date sometime?
I suggest writing suggestive letters to your local Wendy’s threatening to act upon your lustful, meat-less withdrawals if they don’t leave several bags of these burgers on your doorstep each morning. Of course, you would have to sign this letter as the “meat-mongler” to show that you really mean business.