Check out this awesome raisin, you guys!
Wow! Don’t you just want to put that fat, wrinkly son of a bitch in your mouth and suck it? It’s even better than normal since it has brown sugar all over it! It’s like slathering a delicious Wendy’s Double Stack in Miracle Whip – the best of both worlds!
One of my favorite things about raisins is how they taste vaguely like grapes. Why is that? I suppose we’ll never know. Thanks a lot, science.
All this talk of raisins reminds me of the timeless music of Big Raisin, who rocked the upstate New York region from 1990-1991.
They were, without a doubt, the voice of their generation. Their terrible, artistically bankrupt generation. Let’s lift a pail of raisins and toast Big Raisin – their song “Rock Patrol” lifted the spirits of a nation to new heights of adult contemporary refreshment, and their lead singer’s hairdo makes Art Garfunkel look like a reasonable person.
But back to the subject at hand, which is raisins. They’re awesome and I love to eat them every day. For some reason, raisins always taste best to me at 3am, right about the time my anxiety medication wears off.