Monthly Archives: March 2010

Pig Poop Bubbles

Indiana dairy farmer Tony Goldstein has a problem. Huge bubbles are appearing in his farm’s lagoon of cow and hog feces, causing the filthpool to overflow and possibly contaminate the water supply. Goldstein, a rural sage, has proposed that he … Continue reading

Posted in Meh | 6 Comments

The Bag of Chocolate Chips & Me

On Friday night, I arrived for work at my second job (a group home for disabled adults) and was greeted with a note – Please help them to make chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. Then, looking up, I saw it. … Continue reading

Posted in Best of the JLP, Raves | 6 Comments

On Rhubarb

It’s almost rhubarb season! Can you feel it in the air? Can you smell it in the breeze? It’s the tart, tangy tingle of rhubarb whispering your name like a red-green lover with slow hands. It’s about time to put … Continue reading

Posted in Raves | 8 Comments

Joe Mauer Forever Meanderings

The Twins signed Joe Mauer to an 8-year deal worth $23 million a year! Across the streets of St. Paul this morning, jubilant Twins fans are laying down palm leaves and shouting “Hosanna!” Joe Mauer is our all-American hero who … Continue reading

Posted in Raves | 2 Comments

Spring Break Once Again

Spring break! Turn off your space heaters, take off your shirts, and grab the garden hose! It’s time to suck on some spring break until we puke! The next ten days will be the most sun-soaked, fun-filled, foul-mouthed days of … Continue reading

Posted in Raves | 1 Comment

A Celebratory Supper

Return, my estranged readers! Gather round for an opulent supper feast! A fourteen course meal indulging every perverse, insatiable lusting of your craven flesh has been prepared! Seat yourselves around my table and prepare yourselves. Make certain that the waistbands … Continue reading

Posted in Best of the JLP, Ramblings | 7 Comments