Pig Poop Bubbles

Indiana dairy farmer Tony Goldstein has a problem. Huge bubbles are appearing in his farm’s lagoon of cow and hog feces, causing the filthpool to overflow and possibly contaminate the water supply.

A man of legend.

Goldstein, a rural sage, has proposed that he and his son hop into a canoe, float out into the reeking bog of excrement, and pop the bubbles with a knife. Neighbors and a local regulatory board balked at this idea, citing concern for a methane explosion.

“If that thing back there blows, God help us all for miles,” said Allen Hutchison, whose corn and soybean farm is next door. He and other neighbors worry that puncturing the bubbles could cause an explosion of manure and toxic gases.

Not to worry, said Mr. Goltstein as he stood at the edge of the manure pit, puffing on a cigarette and gazing at the bubbles glistening in the sun. “I have no fear popping them.”

The article (from the Wall Street Journal, for some reason) cited a case in Minnesota last year when a farmer caused a massive methane explosion by bursting bubbles of pulsating hog feculence. That blast apparently rocketed him 40 feet in the air.

Quite frankly, I feel ashamed that I missed the story of such an epic shit explosion so close to home. Many apologies to my readers.

Here’s wishing happy poopcanoe travels and brownbubble blowouts to all of you today!

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6 Responses to Pig Poop Bubbles

  1. tim hopps says:

    I love nothing more than a good poop story. Ask my former small group members… they got tired of “What’s your favorite poop story?” as the ice-breaker every time.

  2. Tami says:

    After reading the title, I thought it was going to be a story about Oliver. Nice.

  3. Jordan says:

    He should just tie a string to the back of an arrow, and start launching it in. No sparks, no explosion, fun activity.

  4. Guy Incognito says:

    And more importantly, no canoeing in the poop lagoon.

  5. peter says:

    Ryan, did you feel any Indiana pride reading this?

  6. Guy Incognito says:

    Go Hoosiers!

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