What’s this? Brookdale Mall has closed?
Brookdale Mall, located just minutes from my gentle neighborhood, has followed countless Hardees franchises into the shallow unmarked grave of retail death, shot in the back of the head by consumer indifference.
What will the tender youth of my community do without the Brookdale Mall? The mall offered wide concourses filled with echoed vulgarities, as well as multiple hat shops, dollar stores, and a Taco John’s. Locals whisper about a time when Brookdale offered an American Eagle, Barnes & Noble, Macy’s, and other signals of actual retail activity. In recent years, however, the mall has been overtaken by crotch-grabbing goons aimlessly patrolling the hallways. Shocking that consumers with actual money found the experience to be unpleasant…
Like the Roman Empire, the once-mighty Brookdale Mall has fallen into disrepair and illiteracy. Today’s equivalent of visigoth barbarians now chant their rhymed foolishness outside the walls of Brookdale, demanding entrance and gumballs. Where are our centurions to keep safety and order? Where is our Sheriff Andy Taylor? Where is the America we once knew?
Goodbye, Brookdale Mall. Technically, you have served us, though not particularly well. You shall remain standing as a concrete, rectangular reminder of how stupid everything is.