Hello children. It’s me, the sexualized Muppet Baby-version of Miss Piggy.
Somebody has written the names of my body parts all over me, and I cannot get up until someone completes this child’s worksheet. Oh, won’t somebody please help me? Pleeeease?
Don’t look at me too long though, children, or you will begin to have inappropriate thoughts! Do you see how my sturdy thighs lay sensuously open? Do you appreciate the way my makeup and gloves make me resemble a Parisian woman of the night? Have you noted my crudely-drawn tail and wings, which are not a part of my copyrighted image?
My Kermit has gone away, and now I am all by myself and very lonely. Will you be my friend, little boy? Will you be my special friend? Come lay down with Muppet Baby-version of Miss Piggy and label my body parts for me! It will be oh so fun!
This leotard is chafing me! I could use a hand from a helpful little boy. Please put down your crayons and help a helpless little Piggy!