Embracing Autumn

Can you feel that nip in the air? Can you smell the salty breath of the jack-o-lantern?

Fall is coming!

The Autumnchild.

Autumn is a wonderful time of year when the leaves turn to gold, the air feels crisp, and the Minnesota Vikings underperform. As we zip up our jackets and rip up our draft cards, we sip from a warm mug of apple cider and are reminded of the world’s beauty. Ironically, when we watch leaves fall and wither, we are in a sense delighting in death, just as we do when we see a raccoon get annihilated by a Ford F-150. Some may call this macabre, but I call it gross and awesome.

The days grow shorter this time of year, which is admittedly difficult when I’m trudging off to work in the morning. Though I’m a fan of the brisk air and pumpkin musk, I don’t love the fact that starting in fall, it is still dark outside when I leave to go to work. Seriously, if I had wanted to be hard at work before dawn, I would have gone Amish years ago. (I would have been a hot-tempered Amish, though, like Harrison Ford in Witness.)

Despite the surly mornings, I love autumn. In this season I feel still and refreshed, like a morbidly obese man wedged into a warm bath. Sure, it could be said that as the fat man’s bath will soon grow cold and pestilent, this autumn will inevitably give way to another interminable, frigid winter punctuated by an unimpressive Super Bowl halftime show. Such cynicism is perhaps warranted. I, however, choose jump crotch deep into fall and let the consequences be damned. Forebearance, after all, is best left to astronauts and Amish actuaries.

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4 Responses to Embracing Autumn

  1. BDub Whale Man says:

    The operative words in this post were surly and crotch…in case you were wondering. Particularily good Jeopardy question – Answer – astronauts and Amish actuaries…..question – Who are these surly people particularily love the season of fall and have a affinity for crotches?

  2. BDub Whale Man says:

    PS – whos the kid in the picture?

  3. peter says:

    No idea about the kid. He just showed up on Google images, and now he haunts my dreams.

  4. Tim Hopps says:

    I thought maybe Oliver had a growth spurt from all the performance-enhancing drugs you mix in with his Gerber’s.

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