The Biggest Loser Workout DVD: A Review

To the makers of The Biggest Loser workout DVD featuring Jillian Michaels’ torso:
Not me.

Your product is terrible and it does not work. I did this workout four times and I am still really fat.

It is blatant false advertising for you to suggest that regular exercise and a sensible diet will result in weight loss. This is patently untrue. Just yesterday I jogged briefly before wrenching over in agony and then ate five Stouffer’s French Bread Pizzas to celebrate my half birthday. This morning, my weight remains unchanged, thanks to the ineffectiveness of your DVD.

Did you ever pause to consider the effect your empty promises might have on the innocent masses? Call me naive, but I’m still trusting enough to believe a soulless corporation when their DVD tells me that my body needs to reach and maintain its target heart rate for 25 minutes in order to get a good workout. Looks like I learned my lesson.

Who’s going to protect us from shysters like you now that Teen Wolf has Parkinson’s?

Thanks for nothing, The Biggest Loser Workout DVD. I was going to return the disk, but my DVD player is stuck shut after I accidentally smeared strawberry jelly all over it.

I say thumbs down for this video. A thumb straight down into a turtle’s butthole.

This entry was posted in Best of the JLP, Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Biggest Loser Workout DVD: A Review

  1. john says:

    you’re no longer allowed near my reptile cages

  2. Tim Hopps says:

    The last line of this post is my favorite ever. You’ll never top it. But I’ll enjoy reading your attempts.

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